I turned 25 last month and it is now that I truly think I know who I am and what I actually want to do in life. I really wish with all my heart & soul if I could have known myself this way when I was 18, I could have achieved my wildest fancy dream like "Forbes 30 under 30" or something as simple as "7 more years of peace while I am alive".

Until now, I was running in a rat-race trying to be perfect as per society standards. Always excellent at academics, doing everything in a way society accepts, making my parents proud. Getting an 8 to 5 job, fighting for promotions.

What my life has been till now
Got birth.
Became excellent at studies.
Made my parents proud.
Went to a good college.
Got a job in MNC before even finishing college.
Getting the perfect salary.

Now what?
Now comes Marriage.
Then children.
And then I would make my children repeat the same cycle above & that's all.

I would live through thick and thin, try to be happy and positive all the remaining years of my life.I am not saying any of the above is wrong, I know its perfect structure for human survival and sustainability.

But I just don't see a point here. While I was a child, I used to believe I have some kind of superpowers. After watching some super hero movies, I would actually have wild big dreams. I know everyone does it when they are child. But what if there is actually something awesome in there and I never even tried to look at it, look for it.

Because I was busy running the perfect life show - 25 years of my life passed by and all I was doing is looking ahead and doing what the society structure is making me do.

Do you know how painful it sounds to me - I have lived 1/3 of my life and I have never studied human psychology. It makes me literally cry writing this that it is now that I know human psychology is what I really wish to study. Out of hundred of subjects I have studied till nursery, Human psychology was no where in my choices - in those choices I made to be perfect in society.

I don't know about other countries but this is the society made perfect show that 2 out of 3 children are running in India.

And you know what's even more interesting and stupid as it sounds.
If you will meet me out there in the real world, I will look like a perfect Indian young girl - An achiever.
Excellent at academics, confident, beautiful, loved by everyone, hundreds of so-called friends, earning more than everyone in my batch, what not.

But I am tired of living this perfect life.

Also I don't want to blame my parents here.
One because I love them.
Two because I understand the structure is such and they themselves are just stuck in that perfect vicious cycle to be perfect parents and want to show the world they raised a perfect child.
And you know they have been successful at it. People do compare their children to me, which I personally do not support but that's the vicious circle of parenting perfection.

I am in absolute awe that I spent 1/3 of my life not knowing myself, doing things for society. If you ask me to go out there and tell this to the world that my 25 years of life has been nothing but a bullshit of perfection that I don't even cherish. I might not even have the courage.

It is steemit, where I am myself without any judgements, without any pressure of perfection. I am just myself here and I love the fact that when I write a blog I am affirming my thoughts to myself, I am talking to myself, like "Hey you are not wrong, its ok you can talk here, stop suffocating your true self"

I know a human changes as he grows up and maybe this talk is just part of me growing up and maybe I would have hated human psychology if I would have studied it in school.

But what if, maybe today I would have been doing masters in human psychology or pursuing a profession in the field of my interest.

I just really can't help myself over this thought.

Though I am a person who belives in mantra

Its never too late

So I am obviously going to pursue all my hidden passions which came out and up with age. I discovered I like to speak so I joined Toastmasters, I discovered I like to motivate people so I have started doing it. I discovered sometimes I want to be just an ordinary person so I stopped using social media, stopped talking to all those people in front of whom I need to act perfect because that is how they see me.

Nowadays I go home and suddenly I have an urge to tell everyone how they are wrong. I go to office, go to my friends and tell them in their face they are wrong.

But also I don't want to hurt my parents, my friends or any of my loved one by acting like a ruckus all of a sudden.

I am just quietly shifting my life into a nutshell of "what I really want and what I have become"