In my previous post, I explained ways you can observe your thoughts to diminish their influence on you.
Now on this post, I will describe a process called defusion. It's a process that helps you remember that you are not your thoughts. Fusion, on the other hand, is when you are attached to your thoughts. I will show you different defusion methods and even help come up with your own.
But before we get to that, you might wonder why are you having painful thoughts and feelings anyway? Watch the video below to know why.
Introducing Fusion - Evolution of the Human Mind by Russ Harris
As you found out in the video, our mind's job is to help us survive. It's not perfect but it's doing the best it can. If we look at it this way, we can appreciate and even be grateful for what it's trying to do.
There are different defusion methods. Here are the popular ones.
Thanking Your Mind by Russ Harris
I'm Noticing I'm Having The Thought That...
Let's suppose you have the thought, "I'm a loser."
Notice the pull of the thought on your behavior.
Now say to yourself, "I'm having the thought that I'm a loser."
In this case, you're describing yourself that you are having the thought. Can you sense the pull of the thought diminish?
Now add the phrase, "I'm noticing" at the beginning of the same sentence. You say, "I'm noticing I'm having the thought that I'm a loser."
Are you sensing more distance from the thought? Are you now able to see it as a thought more than before?
Say The Thought In A Different Voice
Say the thought to yourself in the voice of a cartoon character, politician, actor or any other fictional or real person. Say it out loud if you can.
Most people crack up when they do this! However, just to be clear, you are not making fun of the thought or yourself when you do this. You're intending to see the painful thought as a thought that's separate from you.
Sing The Thought
Sing your thought to the tune of a popular song like, "Happy Birthday to You" or "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." You can also choose other songs if you wish.
This also elicits smiles and laughter. You need to remember again that you're trying to distance yourself from the thought when you do this and not ridiculing it.
Name Your Mind
Give your mind a name. You can combine this with the “thanking your mind” technique. For example, you can say, “Thanks, George for sharing.”
Repeat The Thought Fast
Condense the difficult thought into one word that represents it like “loser.” Repeat the thought really fast for 30 seconds.
Do you notice the meaning of the word fall away? Are you getting a sense of being separate from your thought?
Coming Up With Your Own Defusion Methods
You can get creative here. You can imagine the thought in big pink block letters. You can see the thought as a screen saver. You can see it as neon lights outside a bar. You can hear it coming from a radio.
Go ahead and experiment. The important thing is your intention. You intend to see the thought as a thought that is separate from you.
Also, your intention here is not to feel better, either. At times when you do the defusion, you will but sometimes you won’t. I’ll write more about handling feelings in the future.
You can find these methods from the books Happiness Trap by Russ Harris and Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life by Steven Hayes. Do check them out.
Again, the information I wrote here is not a replacement for therapy. If you are having difficulties handling your thoughts, please consult with a professional.
I hope I was able to help you in some way.
May you have a meaningful life.
