"There is no need to create duality", a wise man said to me, here in Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand, not so very long ago. And yet the world out there would appear to be creating, fueling, encouraging and celebrating duality.
- Patriarchy vs Matriarchy (or some current feminist version thereof)
- Vegan vs The Rest
- Nomads vs Stuck in One Place
- Employed vs Unemployed
- Leader vs Follower
- Keto vs Vegan
- Regular paycheck vs It Comes When It Comes
- Parent vs Cheerfully Childless
- Married vs Single
- Chemotherapy vs Natural
- Couple vs Married vs Open Relationships
- LGBT vs "Straight"
- Climate Change Activist vs Ignorant Destroyer of Nature
- Crypto vs Traditional Fiat Head In The Sand
- Republican vs Democrat
- Brexit vs Leave
- Christian vs Damned Heathen
- Thai vs Farang
- Home Owners vs Defiantly Mobile
- Chic Concrete Urban vs Homely Homesteading Organic
- GMO vs Non GMO
- Big Pharma Amazon Loving Consumer vs Defiantly Self Doctoring Small Biz Devotee
- Nationalist vs Global Citizen
And it goes ON and ON and ON.
Paradigm collapse, it would appear, is here. Gender issues & sexual violence. Marriage and family. Currency and how we exchange value. Environment. Resource distribution. How we are governed. How we produce our food. Access to education. Corporatization. The western supposedly democratic social model - the great American dream, if you will - that was to give all of us easy, free and fair lives no longer serves the majority. And there is anger. Justifiably. Rage, even. Much venting. And a lot of apathy, disconnection and simple tuning out, numbing and dumbing down.
What happens when paradigms collapse? Polarization. Blame. Finger pointing. Extremism. Violence. Duality.
It would appear that we are there, on almost every level.
The last weeks it has taken a LOT of energy to simply witness the social media venting post Ford vs Kavanaugh and to NOT engage. To see posts demanding all men be or do this, that all women should do that, that we should riot, disappear, go on strike. Whatever. "Toxic masculinity". Us vs Them. I wanted to ask if it wasn't the feminists of the 1960s who had actually mothered and raised these 50 year old white privileged men everyone seemed to be blaming. And for every woman I saw online demanding these evil men get voted out, I didn't see one of them put forward a viable alternate female candidate. I'm not seeing real political discussion, new models or organization for change.
And herein lies the trap.
I just see a lot of people fighting and squabbling and banging around INSIDE the box. At one level they probably believe they are 'persuading' and 'advocating' and 'educating" and bringing people over to their point of view. When, in reality, they are simply expending huge amounts of time and energy entrenching their own points of view. Surely the better plan would be to GET OUT OF THE BOX and create a NEW PARADIGM, rather than arguing vehemently for whatever end of duality we currently subscribe to?
I believe in radical. Always have. Anything less is bluster, venting, moaning and exhausting. But what does radical really mean?
rad·i·cal ˈradək(ə)l
adjective: (especially of change or action) relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something; far-reaching or thorough. "a radical overhaul of the existing regulatory framework" and advocating or based on thorough or complete political or social change
noun: a person who advocates thorough or complete political or social reform
The trouble with fighting hard in a polarized debate where NEITHER side is completely 'right' is that so much energy is expended. The pendulum swinging back and forth between two extremes does not create new consciousness, nor changed reality. It actually compounds the collective pain, as we all focus on it and roll around in it, like pigs in the mud.
And so these last weeks I deselected. Because I recognized that even though much of the content and the issues triggered and upset me, the public dialogue was draining and exhausting and going absolutely nowhere.
How did I deselect? I stopped engaging endlessly the points of view I already agree with and, even more so, I stopped reading those 'terrible' things I disagree with. I spent quite a lot of time in silence, without music or conversation. I worked alone. I didn't meet up with people to bolster my position on anything. I had a week free of alcohol and greatly reduced coffee consumption. I didn't read much.
And something quite remarkable happened. I started to realize just how much energy it takes. Every. Single Day. To disagree and defend. To proselytize. I started to FEEL how much fatigue there is in my body when it is battered by endless squabble. And how much that disempowers me - fatigues me - and distracts and reduces my ability to write, to create and to really contribute.
I watched a stupid video on facebook yesterday. Someone arguing about why contemporary organic avocados, almonds and broccoli are not really vegan. Really??!!?? Yup, you read right. https://www.facebook.com/BBCOne/videos/avocados-arent-vegan-qi/332499970842046/
Instead of digging a garden, cooking a meal, volunteering at an orphanage, writing a poem or giving a healing massage, someone spent HOURS and RESOURCES to challenge one group of people who are easily triggered. It stunned me at what incredible DISTRACTION we oh-so-easily create - and engage in - while the important things languish and remain undone. Because we say we haven't got time.
And guess what? Meanwhile, the climate change challenges haven't been solved, governments around the world are running amok, injustices remain unchallenged and unreported, and great works of art, beauty and delight remain uncreated.
In today's dense world of dualistic 'discussion' on social media and in our schools, bars, workplaces, cafes and universities - where we are (deliberately?) pitted against one another - arguably the most radical thing we can do is deselect. To find common ground with the person beside us, instead of looking for what makes them different. It is radical to step beyond who did what in 1974 and to find new ways of relating. It is radical to forgive instead of blame. It is radical to move beyond marriage and so-called relationships into really open, pure and vulnerable ways of relating with those we love. It is radical to create, to contribute and to be part of the new paradigm and the raising of consciousness in this world.
I'm blessed by the lessons from many days of silent alone time. Blessed to have an uncensored forum to share this ramble. Grateful you took the time to read this far. And blessed to be able to offer one tiny glimmer in murky times.
Be yourself. Be radical. Deselect often. And give wholly and deeply of yourself.
Much gratitude to my wise friend, Rich, whose words reverberate many weeks and months later.
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