After the summer holidays, I flew to London accompanied by my dad, who helped settle me in my new room and life. He was going to support me financially for the duration of the degree, so I wouldn't have to worry about anything else but studying.
This episode follows up on Diary Of A Free Spirit Ep. 3 - The Day That Changed My life
The first three months of adjusting to a new lifestyle were quite challenging. I had to commute every day to and from university for an hour on the London tube, which was quite unpleasant. I never quite liked standing up like a sardine amongst other squished sardines in a tin. But I learnt to tolerate it by burying my head in Osho's books on awakening the feminine or activating the inner spark of creativity.
The study load was increasing incrementally every week. What was worse for me was that I didn't seem to be able to strike a real connection with anybody in my course. You know, someone I could have a deep conversation about the meaning of life, sort of thing. Other kinds of friendships weren't really interesting for me, apart from the occasional club dates or lunch buddies.
I was feeling quite lonely. Being used to having around at least a couple of really close friends that I could share all my inner dynamics with, this new life felt so dull and mechanical. All I ever did was study, study and again study, with a few breaks in between for shopping and naps. Oh, and the occasional one-night stands that I was so desperate for, in an attempt to get as much validation as possible from guys and bandage my insecurities.
Luckily, it wasn't so bad, because I had a diary. A diary that I could speak freely to, a diary that could hear me unconditionally and hold space not only for my endless to-do lists but also for my innermost fears, ambitions and revelations.
After all, my diaries have been my lifesavers during so many strenuous times in my life. I would go so far as to state that without my diaries, I wouldn't have made it so far. It's not just about thriving and expressing myself creatively, that's well and good. There were times when I literally wouldn't have survived emotionally if I didn't hold onto writing as my life vest. I would have probably drowned in the boundless sea of my Pisces Moon.
So there I was a lonely foreign student at a London university. To take my mind off my official studies, I would sometimes delve into self-help, spiritual or metaphysical authors like Robert Monroe, Osho or Drunvalo Melchizedek. Alternatively, I would watch inspirational videos of Youtube legends such as Teal Swan or Kemet Prince from Infinite Waters.
I was hooked. Those people spoke of ways in which I could improve my life, heal my childhood wounds, reach deeper levels of inner peace... I literally couldn't wait to finish studying for my next day's seminars so that I could dive into the study of higher consciousness, mysticism and esotericism. Spirituality was my most recent passion and it was growing more and more on me.
Where did this all come from, you may ask? Well, the answer is 2012. As I have already mentioned in the first foreword, my real life had begun in 2012. It was then that I read a book that profoundly and irreversibly changed my perspective on life.
While reading the trilogy "Conversations with God" by Donald Neale Walsh, something deep inside me shifted. I realized that it all depended on me how good or bad my life was going to be. Something clicked and suddenly it all made sense! My entire world view changed from the perception of victimhood to external circumstances to an inner state of empowered creator.
I simply couldn't put those books books down. I was totally engrossed! Instead of going out with my friends, I preferred to stay in and read until my eyelids were falling heavy on my sleepy eyes. Moreover, taking notes in my journals ensured that I wouldn't forget the new life-enhancing, revelatory, paradigm-shattering ideas.
Holy cow, I was mind-blown! It felt like I had awakened from some sort of deep, grey slumber. Everything made fresh new sense. Yes, the power was within me, not outside of me! I could influence the course of my life. I was God incarnate!
It was this trilogy that catalyzed my first spiritual awakening. My curiosity was sparked. My heart was on fire. My thirst for knowledge was unquenchable, and I couldn't wait to finish one book so I could start another. My spiritual eyes were opening to a shiny new reality, and I was enthralled by its beauty, diversity and lushness.