Hello dear Steemians, old and new friends...
This post has been slow cooking inside the oven of my soul for quite some time now, amongst various other concoctions that I've been up to in the past few weeks and months...
To be completely transparent, I missed Steemit. I missed Steemit quite a lot!
Pangs of remorse and guilt were striking me from time to time, reminding me of all the wonderful opportunities I'd discovered on this platform, all the incredible people I'd met here, as well as the sense of fulfilment and meaning I would accrue whenever I shared from my heart whatever was true for me at any given moment.
So this post comes as a confession, as a testimony of my prolonged absence and a renewed desire to resume my activity here.
If I remember correctly, I stopped posting on here not long after I returned from my 5-day silent meditation retreat in Devon, SW of England.
In the meantime, some of my Steemit friends who have come to know me as an up-and-coming, enthusiastic blogger, were beginning to raise some questions and ask me to keep writing.
But the reality of my inner life wasn't particularly amenable to a continued activity on Steemit... Why was that?
Well, coming back from an extended period of social seclusion and in-depth inner journey, I felt the need to go to the other extreme. I wanted to embrace the world once again, the people, the places that were around me, I had so much to give!
Indeed, January had been an interesting month for me, as I delved deeply into myself, maintained quite a strict daily yoga&meditation and writing practice, posted a lot of Steemit (!), learnt more about self-discipline and preferred to keep away from most social interactions, apart from my weekly movement medicine dance sessions and my massage clients.
It was a very productive period of solitude. Honestly, I felt so good in myself, being my own teacher and student, witnessing myself in my ups and downs, while feeling connected to God on a daily basis through my spiritual practice.
But that came to an end, as I started missing the world... Massively!
Interestingly enough, I just finished a book called "Cave in the Snow - A Woman's Quest for Enlightenment" by Vicki MacKenzie (a highly recommended read) which followed the journey of an English woman who became the first Western Buddhist nun.
She spent 12 years meditating in isolation in a cave in Tibet, after which she returned to the world and started teaching and spreading the wisdom she acquired from her inner studies.
She also started pursuing a mission to establish a place for Buddhist nuns to come together and pursue spiritual studies, because she felt the plight of women who had been oppressed by monks for centuries and denied equal rights and chances for a spiritual life.
Anyway, I really resonated with this cycle of going fully inwards and then fully outwards, spreading the precious learnings and energy that I'd been cultivating on my own.
To name a few, I was been invited to hold a global guided meditation at a conscious networking event in London called 11.11 Consciousness.
That was a sign from the universe that I was ready to step more into a leadership role and a confirmation that all my pursuits and explorations in consciousness were beginning to bear fruit in real life.
I was also invited to co-host an open mic session in a vegan restaurant in central London, Vantra.
We enjoyed poetry, live music, drumming, group exercises, good vibrations and great spirits. This event also turned into my farewell party and gathered lots of my friends who came to wish me well on my upcoming travels to Austria, Romania and Australia.
I was on cloud nine, because I'd been strenuously trying in the past few years to make such events happen, but because I wasn't really ready, nothing much happened. And all of a sudden, these opportunities just came to me, knocking on my door, and I readily said YES! I was ready, I had something valuable to offer, and I gave all of myself indeed.
The third most significant social gathering was a Sisterhood Circle that I organized in my house-share in London.
The gathering brought together eight sisters who shared themselves, their presence, their support, their advice, their heart-song and their love with each other. Sisterhood is rising and when we come together as women (the Red Tent..?) there is a special magic, a sense of ease and truth, of belonging and community, that we sorely need in these difficult times.
I was amongst my people, my soul family, my tribe!
It was no longer just me and my laptop, relentlessly typing away till my eyes would bulge out of their orbits. I was feeling so content, so alive, so purposeful, being in community, being together, being there for each other, seeing each other, witnessing each other, holding space for each other. It was a dream come true.
Steemit wasn't attractive anymore, because I had so much of my social and expressive needs met live! Haha. Lol.
But I knew I was going to come back to it, because there was a lot to share, from all that I've learnt from these recent interactions, a lot of juice and content that I was going to be eager to impart.
Now I'm in my home-town, Galati, in Romania, in my parents' house, hanging out with family&friends.
Steemit has always been at the back of my mind, sometimes beckoning to me through tempting whispers: Hey, Come back! We miss you!
Other times, I would feel this massive resistance that didn't allow me to come anywhere near it. A feeling of devaluation, of doubting the value of my sharings, of rebellion against the idea that I am not writing for money, which came in conflict with the reality that it would be such a cool thing to build my profile up and actually make some real money out of this.
Also, I had made a pact I made with myself that I would overcome any hindrances that will stand in my way of seeing this new Steemit commitment through.
I have a real issue with keeping to my commitments and bringing my creative pursuits to their full fruition, and this platform provided me with the priceless opportunity to share my truth, to live my greatest passion (writing) and possibly earn an income by putting in the necessary effort and dedication.
So here I am, I'm back!
I have lots to share... So stay tuned!
After London, I flew to Austria and attended a 5-day Spring Retreat in the Austrian mountains.
I was the journalist of the retreat, which fused Kundalini yoga with nature excursions and creative exercises. I am going to be posting an article about each day of the retreat, about Dom, the organizer (a very eclectic and fascinating personality!) and about my own journey inside the retreat, which was rightfully called: Rehab for the Soul!
So, that's it folks! I made it! Steemit, I'm back... And I can't wait to see where this new chapter is going to take me!
Thanks for taking the time to read about my journey and insights.
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Be You, Be Wild, Be Free!
Bristena
#DiaryOfAFreeSpirit