Judging people and does it hold any value - This is my entry to the @ecoTrain Question Of The Week contest in collaboration with #TribeVibes Community
Why Do we Judge people?
We have always learnt and heard all the time do not judge someone, do not form opinions about someone, but how many times we can avoid doing this. At some point or the other we do get on to judging someone, otherwise I believe we all can become saints and I would say to an extent even a Saint would do that. But why does this happen and why is it so difficult to not judge someone. Is it possible that we cannot judge at any point of time? Our Judgement are based on many conditions and experiences; be it our own or of others. Judging someone comes very instinctively and instantly. So let's see what are those few factors that gets us into this behavior.
The 2 sides of the Brain - Logical and Illogical
Our thoughts and behavior is controlled by too many external factors, when we meet someone for the first time we are trying to know the person in some or the other way. The curiosity to know, there are some opinion that we form of the person based on our conversations and there are some opinion that we form of the person that are based on the behavior and the body language of the person. The sides of the Brain are working simultaneously, one what we can see in real in front of us and one where we are relating it with our own experience and behavior. Where the sub-conscious is majorly at play. Can we avoid this? To a great extent yes, but may be completely; than I will say No. But as far as our judgement does not harm anyone and it is just for our mind tricks then it is fine. The moment the judgement becomes a topic of discussion with a third person then it becomes like a virus and that is where it is harmful. Now which side of our Brain is more active will decide how judgmental we are and up to what extent can we maintain that curiosity and neutrality.
The Visible and The Invisible
This is like the Tree and it's roots, where the tree is visible but the roots deep down are not visible and you would not know how deeply they are rooted. Similarly is our Physical appearance and our Soul, the physical part is very visible to the naked eye but the invisible part our Soul is something that cannot be seen. We judge people when we do not know them well. If we would know them well we would not judge them in the first place. We are looking at the outer appearance and forming opinions, whereas if we can touch the soul of the person we may not want to judge. So what we are judging is all externally which we can see and perceive. The moment we try to dwell deep a lot of opinions will change.
Stage and Status
The Stage is the platform where the person is playing his or her character and Status is one's social position. Our Judgement are also opinionated like us. For e.g. if there is are 2 men ill treating their wives, one is a billionaire and the other one a beggar. Our judgement will differ for both of them. For the millionaire we will still give him some benefit of doubt and think may be the wife may not be very good, but for the beggar we would have no second thoughts before claiming the person atrocious. Such is our societal conditioning. Our Societies has already formed some opinions based on our professions and financial status. Social status creates the image which is perceived by other people in a manner that is categorized by the society.
The Superior and Inferior
Let me tell you my own personal incident on this one. A few years ago, I had just started with a very important Leadership role within my organization and that kind of had given me too much of air.
I was returning back home to Mumbai from Trivandrum after completing a Training program.
On this particular day I was upset over a certain issue and I was brooding. On the flight I had a middle aged lady of Trivandrum sitting next to me. She had a little shabby appearance. Her hair was also messy. Typically in those days not my type with who I would have conversation with.
She kept looking at me and smiling. I just turned my face and chose to ignore her. I did not want to make any conversations with her, and anyways my day was not going great.
After sometime she tried to have a conversation with me and with lot of attitude I gave her one word replies and continued being to myself.
Then suddenly I felt a warm hand over me I look around and it was her, holding my hand, before I could react she asked me what's the matter my dear, why do you look so disturbed. I just replied that everything is fine with me. Actually I wanted to tell her mind your own business. It was not that I could not talk to her, but my judgement was she does not match my standards, what will I talk to her about.
Then she started further more, Look my dear you can share with me whatever you feel like. Now this gesture gave me a little shake and I felt I was being rude to her, so I decided that whatever little time of the journey was left I will be nice to her. I kind of assumed from her appearance that she would be a typical Indian housewife who would be spending much of her time in kitchen, and looking after the family. By that time I also noticed that she was humble to everyone around and the crew. Very politely she would speak with them and I sort of liked this nature of her. Then I asked her, what does she do. The answer that she gave me left me stunned. She said she was the Secretary to the Governor of Reserve Bank of India. That's a very very big position one would hold. I was speechless for a couple of seconds, till then like a stupid thing I was talking to her in a way like I was on a CEO position.
By that time she realized that I had got into a discomfort zone. She again hold my hand and said its ok, don't worry, I was just trying to lighten your mood. I was completely mellowed down and stunned by her humbleness.
As soon as we landed she invited me for a cup of coffee in her office, which due to some reason I could not accept.
After I reached home and for the next couple of days this incident kept running on my mind, I realized I was so wrong to judge her by her appearance and think the way I did. And this happens with lot of people.
The lesson I learnt was that It's not wrong to feel superior about yourself but in that feeling how you look up to people is what matters. Do not judge people just because of their dressing, or their make up, or their skin color.
Is there a Value in it, does it help?
Judgement is a mere assumption. It's like gambling you may hit the right button or you may not, so I feel there is no value in forming judgement and clouding up. One of my ex-boss had this habit. He would form a judgement for the person in the very first meeting and then that would go all along the way. So if he has a good judgement for you then irrespective you perform 100% or not he thinks good of you and also the other way around. So in a way forming judgement is also very harmful.
Most of the time making judgement is nothing but an ego gratification. So it is always better to let your emotions, reactions be in your control. The middle road approach is the best one. Our attitude is set by the state of our mind and our actions are influenced by our attitude. If we can realign the state of our mind we can get onto the neutral path of not 100% then somewhere close to it.
The Good and the Bad
We judge one another is one side of the coin but after that we want to categorize it in good and bad is the other side of it. It is very difficult for us to be in the neutral line. The best part is the good and bad keeps changing as per our convenience. Things have to be either good or bad, black or white. To bring value into our judgement is completely our will and choice. Why am I being judgmental, is there a need for it, if Yes then may be there is value in it, or else it is just a waste of energy doing that whole activity.
At the end of it, our own character will decide how we judge others and form opinion of them. So while we are judging others we are also reflecting on our own selves.
Thank you for visiting my blog.
My other blogs of Interest
Member of
|