One thing that never fails to amaze and inspire me is the question of the week. Week after week, the wonderful
and other passengers from my favorite train keep having fantastic questions from the qotw that really inspire me to think from different perspectives. This week, the qotw is based on a topic really close to my heart:
Does the saying "You should respect your elders" still hold true today?
Since I wasn't able to take part in the last 2 qotws, I was more excited to participate in this one and especially since the topic is quite an important one. Here's my take on it.
You should respect your elders. I remember when i was a kid, i was advised to do just that by every elder i came across. My mother was different. She never directly told me to just respect the elders but yes she did teach me to be nice to everyone and respect people especially your parents.
But yeah more or less, my elders at that time mainly the baby boomers did believe that respect was something only limited to one's elders and that you ought to respect them at all costs even if tjey are wrong. Now let me explain what my elders meant from respect at that time.
You should obey them at all yimes even if their demand is abhorrent and completely irrational. So if a child is asked to remarry someone or give away a certain right by his elders mainly parents or grandparents, he must do it or he would be doomed. Lol yeah as crazy as it sounds, my elders then and some even now believe that.
You must apologize to your elders even if they are the ones at fault. If you have an argument with them, it is you who needs to be the first to apologize and that too in a beg for your mercy kind of way. An elderly relative of mine whom i do love and who loves me back even more has this belief. She is really loving but when she wamts to be. If she is fuming with rage, she can be quite unreasonable too and demand crazy apologies from people whom she has wronged.
You must not disagree with your elders ever. If there is a discussion, you must agree with whatever the elders sitting around the table say or believe in. If you think otherwise, keep nodding in agreement with your elderly. Keep your thoughts to yourself and it would be wise to lock them in a box and throw it away or flush it down the drain for good never to see it again everrrr...
If you have a desire, do not pursue it instantly and directly especially if it is related to pursuing a passion, studying a certain subject, liking someone and thibking of marrying someone. You could however eat an ice cream or drink soda without asking them. If your elders do not support your aspiration, please bury it in the ground right there. C'mon, be a nice kid. Didnt your elders teach you any manners?
You.must not raise your voice as in talk loudly or shout in front of your elders. This is something i think is good but it shouldnt be limited yo elders. It shoild be observed at all times but sometimes there are situations when you need to be firm and loud.
Your elders can never wrong you. Even if they want you to do something that seems unreasonable to you right now, they only have your best interests at heart. So you should never doubt their intentions and must trust them even if they ask you to keep having kids to save a dying marriage.
These are the things on top of my head right now. Most of my elders expect all of that even now.
For me, i think respect is an element that should not be limited to elders or given to people because of their age or designation or relationship with you. Respect, i believe, is a basic human right. Everyone deserves to be respected (i am not counting in those who commit heinous crimes) and should be respected regardless of their age or relationship.
I didnt think of respect like this before but after i had my son, i learnt this lesson. Babies, toddlers and kids of all ages deserve to be respected. You can respect an infant by allpwing him to cry when he does and not rushing to shush him just because he is noisy. You should respect a toddler by gicing him time to throw a tantrum when you do not pay heed to his unnecessary demand. So based on this, i believe everyone deserves to be respected and not just the elders.
When i say respect, i mean that you need to respect a person's viewpoints even if you disagree with them. You also need to be polite and civil with him and should not breach the boundaries set in the relationship. If someone asks you to run an errand for him, go do it but when you know you can do it easily. Yes you should go out of the way for certain people and even sometimes for strangers to spread love and compassion around but you should not make this habit too because in that case, you train some people to depend on you at all times and then when the one time you do say a no to them, the go all crazy and start to judge you and even put labels on you.
I think 'you should respect your elders' does hold true even now, but now respect isn't an attribute dished out just to the elders, but it is for everyone to enjoy. Also, respecting anyone now does not mean you cannot disagree with them. The baby boomers I grew up under do think of respect and agreement with an elder's viewpoint as the same thing so one cannot exist without the other. If you respect an elder, you must agree with him because disagreeing with him makes you earn the label of a disrespectful person. I don't agree with this at all. You can and should have different viewpoints on something if that's how you think and must not say yes to an elder just because he is the elder. This also doesn't mean to go on a rampage and cry WAR out loud. Just, stick to your stance if you believe in it but don't forget your manners. The two can happen at the same time.
While this is my viewpoint, I have to admit that the respecting your elders phenomenon has grown weak with time especially in certain communities. I know of many teenagers who now don't know what respect is and feel that it is important to rudely walk out of a discussion or shout loudly to prove themselves right. This they do even if they are surrounded by a group of same age people.
What do you think of the topic? What are your experiences with respecting elders? Also what are your thoughts on this piece? Looking forward to your love and support because that's what keeps me going.
Love and light,
Sharoon.
Here are some of my articles that may interest you:
Forgiveness- Not Easy to Practice but so Liberating when You Do..
Sometimes, All You Need to Do is Say No!!
Why You Need to Live for Yourself too and Not Just for Your Kids
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