The last month has been total and complete madness! Have you felt it too? Pretty much everyone I know is in the midst of some kind of radical transition or transformation. We had the eclipse and six or seven planets in retrograde. Now, I've never really made up my mind on the whole astrology thing, but I figure matter is energy, and all those planets and stars are massive. It's a lot of energy, and the way they're all moving around each other and us probably has at least some effect.
Whatever is at the root of it, there is no doubt it has been absolute chaos. I periodically turn my life into a dumpster fire in what seems to be some sort of Phoenix ritual, but it's not just me this time.
A recap of this episode of Kristin’s Dumpster Fire Fun Time
A little over a month ago, I was living in a one room shack in a very remote village at the end of a twelve mile nightmare of a road. I was living in that shack with my husband and three of my four children. My marriage was a total disaster. It was over, in fact, but we were stuck living together. I was trying to care for my children and also work and take care of the house. I had no time to myself. I also had zero community other than the one here on Steemit. Ecotrain and Tribesteemup were literally my lifelines. I was stuck with terrible Internet and unable to chat with my family regularly. I was isolated. I was barely holding off depression. My husband and oldest daughter (different dad) were at odds in the most awful possible way. My children had very few kids to play with and no friends. Something had to give, but why just give up one something when you could throw the whole thing in a big dumpster fire?!
In the last month I have moved to a new village with so much more community and loads more friends for my kids. My husband is now my wasband, and I feel like I am regaining sanity, clarity, and self esteem by the minute. My two younger children are with him three days a week so I can get work done. Before a month ago, I had never been away from them for more than one night. Then, just last week, my sweet older daughter went to Colorado to stay with her dad and go to the Boulder Sudbury School. I've raised her pretty much on my own, and letting her go is one of the hardest things I've ever done. She left on Thursday, and we all cried a lot. The little ones miss her terribly too. When they went to their Dad’s on Saturday, I was suddenly home, alone, overnight for the first time in many, many years. I have time and space to think and write, and when they come home, I have the freedom to really be present with them. It's like a whole new universe. I also have friends here, and the kids have friends here.
So I burned up my old life and rose up out of the ashes. I have a bit of a cold, not that shocking really all things considered. Mostly, though, I have a big sigh. I feel free. I feel lighter. I feel clearer. I feel more connected to myself.
Much love, y’all!
As always, all pics are mine or pixabay unless otherwise noted.
