Should parents set a minimum age or some restrictions for their children to own a smartphone, and if so what would they be?
This is the ecotrain question of the week, and ooooooh boy! It’s a doozy! I reckon I might ruffle some feathers on this one, but, well, won’t be the first time. Most of you know I’m a passionate unschooler and was formerly a founder and staff member of a Sudbury school in Asheville, NC. I’ve written a fair amount about unschooling and children’s rights, and many of you, perhaps, know that freedom is a key cornerstone of my philosophy.
Very simply, my answer is this.
If you can afford to buy the phone, you can have the phone.
It’s kind of tempting to just end the post there. I think it might be helpful, though, to dig in a bit to how I got to that philosophy and also “a few, um, provisos and quid pro quos” (~The Genie from Aladdin). I have let my children play on my phones/tablets under varying degrees of supervision and for varying lengths of time since they were pretty small. Mostly I take it back if I need it or see it’s being abused.
We are pretty poor. By that I mean really poor. That’s changing, but it’s been that way for a good long while. My smartphone was stolen two years ago, and I haven’t been able to afford another one. In any case, I have never had the kind of money where I would actually buy a phone or tablet or gaming system or anything like that for them. I have other financial priorities, and Christmas and travelling are both on the list above anything like that, not to mention food and bills. So, even when the older ones were little, I told them I wouldn’t be buying any Playstation or xbox or Wii or phone. If they wanted it, they had to figure out how to manifest it. They would gather up their resources - money from grandparents and other relatives for birthday and christmas. They would save until they had enough. Then they started selling older systems and games as part of their fundraising. I always felt they were learning multiple wonderful things in this process, and I very happily removed myself from the middle. This also makes the prospect of something being lost or destroyed totally not my problem. Parenthood is hard. Gotta ease the burdens where we can. Oh, and, you know, personal responsibility.
Source Seriously, go read about this little girl if you've never read about her. Super entrepreneurial.
When they got old enough to be left home alone, they did get a phone. That, I feel, is a safety issue. It was never broken or lost, but if it had been, they would have had to pay it back or work it off.
I know there is this concern about kids on smartphones. I understand that’s a big piece underlying this question. I think technology, like almost everything else on this earth, has benefits and drawbacks. I think I probably spend too much time on this screen I’m looking at right now. It is what it is, but I have to feel the feedback on my own and learn to tighten up my boundaries. I think kids are also capable of finding this balance for the most part. Of course it’s not easy for them. It’s not easy for most of us, either. I believe we have to trust, though, they will find their way. So much easier when you’re still under the care of mom and dad and not having to pay rent when you figure these things out. I understand there are exceptions for SPD, autistic, and asperger’s kids. I’m pretty sure we probably have one child with SPD, but tech luckily doesn’t seem to be one of his triggers.
The truth, I believe, is kids aren’t any more addicted to any of this stuff than we are. They are, however, under other people’s control, and anyone who has ever had or known a child knows the battle is always in the power struggle. I honestly don’t think they are fighting addiction. I believe they are fighting for control over their own lives. My children have been playing with smartphones since I had to take them away because they were putting them in their mouths. They have always had free reign to watch as much tv as they want, only limited by sharing with others in the family. They both have their own tablets (bought by nana, of course). I would say my son spends maybe 45 minutes a day on average on the tablet, some days none, some days a couple hours. My daughter spends far less than that. They watch maybe two hours of tv or youtubes a day on average. Today, they’ve watched zero so far. The rest of the day, they are playing with toys, inventing games, or running outside. I would guess my parents will probably give them an old phone in the next couple years. I think it very likely they will spend more time on those devices through their teenage years than they do now. I know I watched tv and talked on the phone a lot through my teenage years. I hardly ever do either of those things now. My oldest played a shit ton of video games through his teen years. He just sold his playstation and all his games. He works, hikes, plays guitar with his friends, and goes to music festivals. He just didn’t need it anymore. I think we all find our way through, especially when we’re gentle with ourselves and give ourselves permission to work through it organically. I see zero reason why children should be treated differently. I simply refuse to see them as incapable or broken.
My sweet boy
Now, this is my philosophy, and it has been for a long time. I have a lot of parenting years under my belt. My committment to my children has always been my primary focus. In no way do I think I have it all figured out. I also believe every family needs to do what works for them. I have been verbally assaulted by a lot of people for my parenting choices, and I would never do that to another. You gotta do you. If it would make you nuts to allow your young child on a smartphone, draw that boundary. Martyrdom parenting is bullshit. I’m simply here to share my beliefs and offer support for those who may be leaning this direction but aren’t sure why or how it could work. Of course I think I’m right, but that doesn’t mean I think I’m right for your family. What I’m trying to say is that I wasn’t trying to offend anyone who chooses differently, and i don’t think people are wrong for choosing differently. Ok, well I think some people are wrong, but that’s a different post. I know I get passionate sometimes (ok, all the time), but I love and support every parent who gives a shit and is really trying to do their best for their child.
As always, all pics are mine or pixabay unless otherwise noted.
I’m a passenger on the 
