I moved here to Hopkins at least in part because of the community. People here are friendly. You know, minus the kid who said, “death to all americans!” For the most part, everyone here is really kind. Everyone says hello, even the teenagers. People are happy to help you find something or fix something. I can't tell you how many people have stopped to help me fix my car. People care for and help one another here in a way that you almost never see in the US. That said, it will never be my community. The people from here are very close knit with a rich cultural history and many beautiful traditions. It will never be my history or my traditions. I will always be an outsider, and that is how it should be. As white people we often think we are entitled to own a piece of everything. Colonialism hangover.
In addition I have my own beliefs and traditions, and sometimes those conflict with what's happening here. And there's a part of that that is really wonderful. I really love having my kids live with and learn from people from a wide variety of backgrounds. I think it's very important actually. It does have its drawbacks though. Most children here have very few toys. They play with sticks and marbles and bottle caps. They play outside almost all the time, and that's fabulous, but sometimes that means they only want to be friends with my kids so they can play with their toys. That's really painful to watch on a lot of levels. Recently there were some girls like that here. One of them stole money from me. Went digging in my drawer to get it. I let them come back because I feel for them, and I know about their home situation, and it's really shitty, but told them they had to play outside, and they did and then refused to leave our kiddie pool when I had an interview, and they were really rude and disrespectful, so I basically yelled until they left and told them not to come back. It was really a bummer, and my little Lulu cried and told me she really wanted to have little girls at her birthday party.
What's worse is that kids being sexual with each other is rampant here, and I'm not talking about teenagers. I'm talking about children. There has been more than one little boy who has been inappropriate with my daughter. I keep her in sight at all times we are out of the house. The problem is that my ex does not. There are a number of kids now that I can't allow my children to play with. Of course we all know pressing charges is pointless. I honestly don't know what is up with these kids. Are they witnessing abuse? Are they being abused? I know a community of like minded people wouldn't make us immune to predators, but I feel it would at least lessen the risk.
Now, a lot of the kids here are really sweet. And not thieves or sex assaulters, but it's still very different from how my kids have been raised. I don't even try to explain unschooling anymore. I may as well talk about aliens. Even the fact that I've never spanked any of them is basically completely foreign. There are a few, but not many. Almost no one reads to or plays games with kids. Children play with children, and adults do whatever adults do. And it really is fine for them to hang out and play, but I keep thinking it would be nice to have a community where they were at least sometimes around kids they share a similar background and upbringing with.
Of course it adds a whole extra layer to know that most of the bad behaviors are tied to poverty. Both sexual abuse and stealing definitely are. Even things like spanking and not reading to children are inextricably linked to poverty and the aftermath of colonialism.
This is what has me thinking about this distinction between building community where you are - building bridges and ties and putting down roots - versus creating community from scratch. I kind of think I wanna do both. I've always been one of those people who makes friends easily. I can find something to connect with people through. We all have pretty similar goals, really: stability, love, a good life for our children. However, those really deep connections come with those with whom we share values, and I think those deep connections are important, especially for those of us who deal with depression.
I love building bridges to people. I love finding common ground. I need a lot of diversity in my life. I hated living in Asheville because it was just basically a bunch of copies of the same person. I also need to feel supported by people who understand anarchy, unschooling, smashing the patriarchy, and systems of oppression. I need people to destroy capitalism and patriarchy with! And I need my kids to have friends who've been raised in that too. To be clear, there are definitely people like that here. It's just that it takes a lot more to gain an understanding of all that when you have to focus on your next meal.
So, I need to start an anarchist community just outside this village where we can share ideas, food, life, love, parenting, and strategies. I need to do all I can to remedy the awful effects of colonialism and racism that are 100% responsible for creating the environment that allows toxic behaviors to flourish here. I need to undo systems and help create opportunities. I need support in that. So. Who's in?
Much love, y’all!
As always, all pics are mine or pixabay unless otherwise noted.
