This is for the ecotrain question of the week about what the unconscious mind is and what it does.
Last summer I left yet another long term relationship. He's the father of my two youngest children. We were together for roughly 7.5 years. I really can't begin to describe how positive this decision was. I'm so much happier, so much freer. The relationship was super toxic.
Free
Photo from pixabay
It actually was instrumental in changing the circumstances of my life even. I suppose some combination of how much better life flows when you're free and happy along with how much I prefer to actually just be responsible for myself and don't like having to depend on undependable people for things like food and housing for my children. Makes sense.
This wasn't my first rodeo. I'm what some people call a serial monogamist. I had really come to the conclusion that I have absolute shit taste in men. It's weird, though, because I have great taste in friends. So, I was curious why I kept picking these guys who are just awful for me. It's weird, right? I wasn't super concerned honestly because I feel really done with long term relationship at this point. I'm down for friends and fuck buddies. That's pretty much it. I love living in freedom and peace with my kids. I just don't feel like I need or want anything else.
I do social media work for a friend who has a matchmaking agency in Denver. Kind of ironic, I guess. So I end up reading and filtering through all these articles about relationships and dating. I'm able to be pretty objective which is cool.
The freaking light goes on
One day I came across this really brilliant article, and here's where we circle back to the unconscious mind. This woman said that when you feel the whole "madly in love" thing that it's because someone is filling in a pattern or need from your childhood. This is often unhealthy. So I realized what I had been doing. I'd been living out ugly patterns. Of course we all sort of know that part, but I really didn't realize that was what caused the Gaga in love bit. Our unconscious mind uses that insanely addictive feeling to try to get us to see our patterns, perhaps heal our wounds?
In case you're interested, she says the ideal feeling to look for when you're starting a relationship is "huh, they seem nice." If you find yourself flipping and fretting about when someone calls or texts, that's a bad sign. Back away slowly. It's best to find someone who you're glad to hear from but aren't hysterical about, someone who grows on you slowly because you actually like who they are. Wild, huh? Revolutionary even.
I think our unconscious makes a great servant, keeping us alive and such, but it's a really bad master. It's not wise to let it run the show. It remembers the wounds. It doesn't know how to let shit go. It doesn't know how to heal without the help of the conscious mind. It can bring awareness but only if we're paying attention. Pay attention. Use it as a piece of information. Then tell it to sit down and be quiet so you can do the healing work. Useful information.
All the same, I'm done with relationships.
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