I knew a long time ago I would not have children of my own, in fact, I was a child myself but there was no question in my mind that it would be so.
As I grew into my teen years, I did my time babysitting to raise a bit of money, as every teenager does.
This babysitting "job" did not change my mind... in fact, I hated every moment of it!
Let me say here, I do not hate children. In fact, when I was a member of a sports group, we would always plan our family parties. It was always left up to me to plan it because I always made sure that the children would have the "best time ever". I would plan races and games and make pinatas.
At social events, I was always the one the children would come to when looking for a dance partner and I would often have groups of children dancing around me... I made sure it was the best dance for them ever.
And for Christmas, I always made sure nieces and nephews would be lit up with delight at the fun that had been planned for the festive season.
While I grew up with siblings, my next closest sister was five years older than me. These days now that we are older, that makes no difference, but in those days when you are ten years old and have a five year old tailing behind you, it is not much fun. So, I often found myself alone and making my own entertainment. And as the years moved on, my older siblings got jobs, moved out, and I still spent a lot of time alone.
I was not born with the motherly instinct.
I had no desire to cuddle babies, to "oooh and aaah" over them, to sit at baby showers and anxiously await my turn to hold the baby. And things have not changed as I have aged, I still have no desire to do so.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy seeing babies laugh and giggle and take new steps and grow up into beautiful and loving people, share their joys and accomplishments, but I don't need any of it to make me feel like a whole person.
And then I married my husband... he had a daughter. She was just over a year old when she came into my life, and I love her as though she were my very own. I share her joys, I weep her woes.
Has that changed my perspective on this subject?
Emphatically, no!
I am a nurturer. I tend to find myself more in positions of caring for the elderly, and I most love to spend my time caring for animals and would rather hold an animal than a baby.
But motherly instinct and being a nurturer are two different things.
Which brings me back to....
I believe that if we all decided not to have children because of the times we are living in, the human race would eventually become extinct. I don't think there is a time in life when there are not troubled times in one part of the world or another. We could have a child one day when everything is good, and the next day a bomb be dropped around us; we could be mugged or robbed or end up abused or ill. We have no prediction of what life holds in store.
I do however believe in choice and making good choices. How many children can you afford? What is your current situation like and does it warrant being responsible for another human being? Are you having the child out of pure love or out of selfish reasons? Are you having children only because your partner wants you to have them, or do you truly want them yourself? There are so many scenarios, each with their own pros and cons.
Let Love Be Your Guide
Human beings are meant to love; to love one another, to share love, to express love, and to teach love. Perhaps the question is, do you have the capacity to give love and to nurture love, to share love and to teach love, enough so that your child will also learn that love and absorb that love and live and share that love? We are all products of our upbringing, our children learn from us and they emulate us to an extent. If the only thing we have to give a child is hatred, teach hatred, live hatred, then I would say the answer is no, you should not bring children into this world.
But if you can live by a good example of true and pure love and teach that, instill it in every other human you bring into this world or share this world with, and if it is your desire, then I say yes.
Then my answer is to let love be your guide.
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