Sitting with my daughter in my arms, watching her feed, I realize how lucky I am.
I have my health, my strength, I can carry and nourish her.
This amazing being who has been with me for 9 months earthside has already taught me so much.
After the birth of my 2nd daughter, I thought I understood babies and their needs pretty well. I felt I was somewhat qualified to offer advice to others. I never felt like I knew it all, and besides who wants to know it all anyway.
But still I felt I had some knowledge and I was happy to share it with others. I loved being a mother and had also loved being pregnant, parenting is challenging at times and that is why it is so important to support other parents and in turn have their support. At one point in Ireland I had been involved in a Anarchy parenting group. But that story is for another time.
Into my life came my third daughter. I had an unassisted lotus birth and my partner came in time to catch her. After she was with us for a few weeks, and as she was becoming more aware of her surroundings she would begin to cry and get upset at night, just before going down to sleep with us for the night. Of course no mother wants to hear her baby cry and I would find it very distressing that nothing I did could settle her.
I was drinking lots of fennel tea, then anise in case it was trapped wind. I carried her in a way that is meant to help with indigestion. I tried everything. I started to question everything I was doing. I was sure I was meeting her needs, she is breastfed, I carry her most of the time. I then started to look at my diet, maybe something I was eating was affecting her.
After a few very tiring nights of her being upset for what seem like ages but in reality was not very long, I decided to just hold her and let her cry. I did not try and tell her to stop or interfere, I just let her cry and get whatever it was she was trying to get out come out. And she cried, but not for so long and it was not intense either, I had her in my arms the whole time, I just stopped trying to suppress her crying.
I suddenly realized that she needed to to do this, to have this cry. This was her way of letting out everything from the day, before she went to sleep. And because of our conditioning into believeing that if a baby cries it is because their needs are not being met we instinctively think we are the ones to meet those needs. But in fact I was inhibiting this release. After I realized and accepted this she would have a small cry sometimes before going to bed.
Now that she is older she does not cry, but instead she gets very vocal and active before going to bed for the night. She literally wants to be wrestled before sleeping, this is how she gets all her power and emotions released. And she has power and such force. Her strength is there for all to see. If she wants something she lets you know. We may think we know something but no two things or beings are ever the same.
To stop trying to control things and just let them be.
To be patient.
I can only begin to imagine the other teachings she has in store for me.
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