This week the ecotrain Question of the week is so profound for me. It is something that I strongly desire and yet, have never quite managed to attain.
What is the value of letting go? What have you let go of recently and how has it changed your life?
This question struck me hard because I struggle to let go
I have been labelled a lot of different things because I don't go with the flow. Stubborn to the core, I've resisted being told how to be and what to do, and yet, all the years of being told that how I am is wrong in some way I've mastered the art of suppression and concealment and as such, no one has won. In my rebellious manner of closing off and keeping parts of myself from others that "don't deserve them" I've also blocked myself from those very same aspects of myself.
I don't really allow myself realize my full potential.
Something always holds me back.
One example is where I struggle to answer the ecotrain Questions each week. I write, and write, and edit, and edit, and write some more. Sometimes I spend HOURS doing this only to post nothing at all. It all comes back to my inability to let go and feel free to express me deep inner self!
This bleeds into every facet of my life. There is always this small bit of restraint that holds me back and keeps me from letting go and discovering what it's like to engage in a completely free manner, to take what I need, and give what I want.
For a while I just accepted all of these things that cause unhappiness, as part of who I am or as something I must endure for others and their comfort, happiness, to not rock the boat, but I've come to see things differently. We don't have to carry things that hurt us, or suppress ourselves for others. We can let go and become who we crave to be. Those can't handle this change, can learn to embrace these differences or move aside.
Just Like Fire ~ Pink
I know that I'm running out of time
(I want it all, mmm, mmm)
And I'm wishing they'd stop tryna turn me off
I want it all, mmm, mmm
And I'm walking on a wire, trying to go higher
Feels like I'm surrounded by clowns and liars
Even when I get it all the way
(I want it all, mmm, mmm)
We can get 'em running, running, running
Just like fire, burning out the way
If I can light the world up for just one day
Watch this madness, colorful charade
No one can be just like me any way
Just like magic, I'll be flying free
I'mma disappear when they come for me
I kick that ceiling, what you gonna say?
No one can be just like me any way
Just like fire, uh
And people like to laugh at you cause they are all the same, mmm
See I would rather we just go our different way than play the game, mmm
And no matter the weather, we can do it better
You and me together forever and ever
We don't have to worry about a thing about a thing, no
For me letting go is a daily struggle. Even the most desperately desired change can be difficult to achieve. Not everyone will receive change with warmth. I face resistance from others and within myself. I can't seem to find the key that unlocks all of me at once and so it is a slow journey. I've done a really good job of building up those protective layers but now is the time to peel them back one at a time.
Each moment that I win, and I light up a bit brighter inside, I want to rip myself open wider, let go and blind the world with my light. Those moments keep me fighting because I know what is to come. I've tasted it.
I don't have any profound solutions or answers to the question posed:
What have you let go of recently and how has it changed your life?
I haven't really succeeded in letting go nearly as much as I had hoped to or probably should have. I will post this raw, messy and imperfect post rather than let it grow dusty and unseen in a box, so that's a start right?
I am no wise woman but it seems to me that In a kinder and more compassionate world, there wouldn't be so much soul damage, but I suppose this is simply part of that whole cosmic journey. I am learning to be patient and loving with myself as I work on letting go We all should be kind to ourselves. No one said it would be easy right?
“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
]Building a greener, more beautiful world one seed at a time.
Homesteading | Gardening | Frugal Living | Preserving Food| From Scratch
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