Someone thinks that it is completely unacceptable to punish a child, and for some, punishing children with a belt is natural and does not deserve special attention. So which of them is right? Is it worth punishing a child?
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One thing is for sure: Punishing a child is an extremely sensitive action that requires careful consideration and weighing. Reckless punishment will not only not give the desired effect, but can lead to the most unpredictable consequences, even the complete disobedience of the child and even escape from home. But this is probably not the effect that parents expect.
It is easy to punish a child, but you can "dissolve" the consequences of such punishment for a long time. That is why, before punishing the child, you must carefully understand the misconduct and choose the exact punishment that will cause the child to truly repent of what was done. And most importantly, never repeat this behavior again. Only in this case, the punishment can be considered effective and appropriate. In all other cases, punishment is nothing more than a banal manifestation of parental authority and repression of the child.
Never punish a child without understanding each specific situation. It is unacceptable to punish a child "for bad behavior", he must know with certainty why he is being punished, for a broken window, rudeness with a neighbor or stolen money. Only in this case, parents can expect the punishment to reach its goal.
In addition, in no case should a child be hastily punished, be on top of irritation and anger. As a general rule, in this state, parents can grab the belt and pull the belt a couple of times. However, anger is far from being parents' best helpers.
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- First, in the heat of the moment, it is unlikely that you can objectively assess what is happening and understand the child's misconduct in detail, which is simply necessary to understand the child's degree of guilt.
- And, secondly, by raising a hand precipitously over a child, a persistent feeling of guilt and regret can be provided, which is not so easy to get rid of.
In addition to the fact that you will feel extremely uncomfortable yourself, the child will also quickly notice your fluctuations. And, as a rule, almost all children will begin to use their parents' doubts to tip the scales, on which there are several privileges and advantages, by their side.
And for the punishment to be truly effective, parents must be absolutely sure of what they are doing. Otherwise, the child will feel the doubt of his parents, and the punishment for him will be only a reason for resentment against his parents, but not a reason to think about his behavior.
Remember a more indisputable truth: in no case is it unacceptable to punish a child "just in case", if you have the slightest doubt about the child's fault. Remember that even in adulthood, the slightest doubt is interpreted in favor of the suspect, and what can we say about children? Much less damage will be if you don't punish the really guilty child that the innocent will be punished. In this case, the trauma to the psyche may be too strong. In any case, you should not verify it in your child.
In the same case, if the child fully realized and admitted his guilt, and even more so if he himself went to his parents and confessed, the punishment should also be much milder. And it may well be that you completely reject punishment, which may also be the right decision; After all, the child has already understood his mistakes and will try not to repeat them from now on.
However, in this situation, be sure to consider the factor of the presence of the relapse call. Forgiving and leaving a child's misbehavior without punishment is only possible if the baby committed it for the first time. If he explained to the child the inadmissibility of such an act, and he repeats it again, punishment should be inevitable.
Why can't you punish a child?
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There are several things for which it is strictly forbidden to punish a child. In such cases, the punishment will only worsen the situation and, in addition, relations with the child can deteriorate significantly. So what is this situation?
Young children are extremely active and very curious. They tend to climb everywhere, try everything by heart, touch it by hand. And if in the process of this cognition of the world around you, a child accidentally spoils something or a toy, you should not scold him, therefore, for a long time you will discourage his desire to know the world around him.
Physiological characteristics of the child related to age.
Nor should the child be punished for being inattentive, tearful, unable to concentrate on anything, unable to fall asleep or refusing to eat, usually in such cases, children need help, but do not censor, and even more not punishment.Lack of experience
Nor should he punish the child in case he has committed a misconduct not for malice or mischief, but because he does not know what to do in a given situation. In this case, it is much more reasonable to explain to the child why this is not necessary and show him how to behave. Most likely, the child will no longer repeat his mistakes in the future. But the punishment can sincerely offend the baby, who is completely unaware, why mother or father are angry with him.Jealousy
Unfortunately, childhood jealousy is a very common occurrence. Very often, children are jealous of their mother or a new spouse, or a younger brother or sister. Often, such jealousy can cause the white heat of even the most patient parents. However, in this situation, punishment is the worst thing parents can do. By punishment, you will not be able to achieve anything except further complicate the situation. The child will perceive the punishment and his anger as additional evidence of the fact that he now loves him much less than before.careless child
In addition, child psychologists strongly discourage parents from punishing a child for negligence or carelessness: spilled cocoa on a jacket, a broken plate or broken sandals. After all, the boy was not going to do this completely, everything happened by accident. You must admit that even an adult often makes such mistakes. And don't you punish yourself for negligence?
Types of punishment
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Then, we come to the main theme: the promotion and punishment of children in the family. We will talk about rewards next time, but consider the penalties a bit lower. After all, as already mentioned, the punishment must be strict, but always fair. And in no case should you humble the dignity of the child, however small.
A slap in a weak spot often seems to be the simplest and most effective punishment for parents. However, before raising your hand against a child, think about the consequences that could have a physical impact on a child's fragile psyche.
To better understand what is happening with the child's psyche during punishment, try to put yourself in the child's place. Imagine that someone who is much stronger than you raised your hand. What emotions do you think you would feel? It is unlikely that there will be love and respect among them. Also his son: he experiences exactly the same resentment, anger and disappointment in his parents.
In addition, unfortunately, very often the child grows up with the idea that he will soon become an adult and will surely take revenge on those who offend him. But such psychological attitudes can lead to a serious deformation of the psyche. Think for yourself: do you want to raise a child whose only goal in life is to take revenge on you, your parents?
Needless to say, not all of these children, who were physically punished in childhood, grow up as maniacs and murderers. As the child grows, acute resentment and anger towards the parents gradually fade. However, all these negative emotions do not disappear completely, they simply recede into the background. And as a result, in the child's subconscious almost all the time there is a need to manifest the accumulated aggression during childhood. And as a result, the child will grow angry and bitter.
Very often, many parents say: my parents beat me in childhood, and that's fine, I grew up as a normal and proper person. On the one hand, this is so, but on the other, in no case should the fact that each child is purely individual be overlooked. And the plasticity and flexibility of the psyche of all children is also different: a child without much damage to the psyche will suffer flogging, and after 15 minutes he will not even remember it. And the other child will remember even a slight slap for life. And all his life he will hold a grudge against his parents.
Source for information:
https://www.facebook.com/406521349435994/posts/450232108398251/
http://serpadres.com/ninos/alternativas-castigos-fisicos/32150/
https://elpais.com/elpais/2018/12/11/mamas_papas/1544518830_971396.html