As I have said in earlier letters the benefit I have is a lifeline that extends beyond five decades. Until my brother died last March my perspective on life was that it was an expanse that lay ahead of me, with so much to offer. Now there seems to be an expiration date that I will desperately attempt to extend.
Throughout my adult life I've always tended to move toward my future, casting aside any impediments; real or imagined, in pursuit of a life fulfilled. Rewards materialize in the form of embracing only those relationships deemed fruitful. You will have friends and lovers that disappoint you; as you will let down others. As long as you make sure that when relationships sour it is not because there was malice in your intent. Some people just aren't meant to be together. It's okay to disengage from people who don't share your convictions about life. As a matter of fact, its best. Those who won't allow themselves to embrace that which makes you unique will only damage the person you need to be, and inhibit your long-term growth toward an eternal existence. Conversely, you must develop the skill of embracing the one who becomes your life-mate without compromising who you want to be. At times that may seem a monumental task, but I guarantee you will find someone who will appreciate everything about you.
A little over a year before my brother died I began to reflect on the decades before, when I was much younger. Some may call this a midlife crisis, but I did not run out and buy an expensive sports car to compensate. I remained reflective upon what had gone before, and why I was having these feelings. As I've traveled through life its energy has taken the fore as the driving force behind who I am. For so long I was driven by hormones and physical desires; which proved to be shallow and fleeting. Again, I have mentioned this before, but at my age you realize the energy that resides within is eternal. Nothing about our flesh will last.
This is when I developed my theory of an Elliptical Life Force (ELF). When I turned fifty years old, my thoughts became a lot less prospective and more reflective. I attribute that to travelling along an elliptical path of energy through the universe in which we reside. It makes sense to me because that is the same shaped path our earth revolves around the sun. Shouldn't we all be subject to the same forces in that situation? Seems logical. As I breached the peak and began to travel down the backside of that path my consciousness was able to reflect back along that timeline and view segments as if they were a movie projected upon a screen. I find that my emotions run the gamete of being embarrassed, sad, proud and happy when memories present themselves to me. I've destroyed friendships and loving relationships, but I cannot (and you should never) allow that to affect the human being you wish to be. You must be able to forgive yourself. You have that power.
At this time in my life I tend to have fewer things that keep me busy. My career is winding down. Interests are no longer centered on the trivial happenings of a society bereft of substance. But with that comes the realization that I could easily spend my days sitting (rotting) in front of the television and surfing the hundreds of channels, eventually settling on a mindless sitcom to while away the days. Instead I've chosen to continue to educate myself, mostly about the universe and all that is known and theorized, because that is where I wish to exist upon my human death. I know for a fact that my (all of our) mind(s) contain(s) all that exists in the universe. We all have that infinite value. The trick to understanding that is to also realize the shortcomings of our physical existence on this planet. Sadly, people dominate others by defining them by circumstances, and those being controlled accept it. This keeps those oppressed from expanding their minds beyond the thoughts of others. If you have the strength (and I know you do) to be your own person those who try to exert that control will try to separate you; isolate you, and turn their sycophants against you. I've experienced it all in life; would not change a day; nor will I stop expanding my mind. Just keep moving forward in your eternity.
Until we meet!
Love, Papa