What to do then to develop assertiveness in our children?

Learning the patterns that the child will incorporate into his behavior depends to a large extent on us, his teachers and other adults with whom he interacts: family, school and society. Assertiveness will be a tool that will protect the child for life.

The patterns that children learn during the first 7 years of life determine many reactions and emotions that they experience in adulthood. The reaction to the problems we face in adulthood are learned in these early years, hence the importance of educating our children from childhood to be assertive, to identify, value and respect their feelings as well as those of others.

Adults try to teach children to think and act like us. The family nucleus fosters family dependence and the need for approval. We see that we impose our taste in the choice of the child's clothing, which learns to wait for the decision of mom, and although it seems an insignificant act, the truth is symbolic, the child can receive guidance from their parents, but not expect them decide often for him. It is important that the child can express in a respectful way, choosing the best words, in a clear and honest way, and at the expense of their own desires.

At school, on the other hand, we see how the educational system teaches without taking into account the abilities, talents and potential of the child, because it has a standardized system, which teaches everyone equally, and does not take into account the potential of each child. child and talents, does not strengthen self-esteem and, on the contrary, promotes judgment and competition between them. The child does not receive the freedom to express their tastes and desires, but is often coerced, to be imposed by the teacher who follows a work program, it is time for us to become aware, question, analyze and motivate the revision of these methods that in this time they were left behind, and we have seen the result of their application in society.

• Teach from an early age that: "we all have the same right". Start by expressing them out loud, never think that you are not listening, maybe not your conscience, but I assure you that your subconscious will arrive. At this point, you can use techniques such as the subconscious, when the child goes to sleep or when you are waking up, will be in the alpha state, and everything you say will be recorded in the subconscious more quickly, here Take advantage , and say phrases that reinforce the above.

• Help to name what they feel: feelings, emotions, their desires, encourage them to talk with you, how? Talk about yourself, express yourself and then motivate them to do the same.

• Work to help build a stronger self-esteem with the child: empowering their talents and ideas, with words of recognition, with much physical contact.

• Use rewards after a desired behavior. Reinforcements increase the likelihood that the child will repeat the behavior again.

• Do not use punishments, as they do not work in the long term and can affect the child's confidence and self-esteem.

• Educate with imitation, show the behavior you want to see in your child, this is one of the most effective ways to teach.

• Do not demand reactions or behavior of the child for what is not yet prepared, each child has its own rhythm.

• Listening to your child with attention and without interruption, will allow you to appreciate the child's dialogue and information.

• Very important, and the use of role play has helped me in my personal experience, to show behavior alternatives to the child in specific situations, which promotes assertiveness.

• Do not use generalizations, as they close the dialogue or make difficult conversations that lead to changes and understanding.

• Practice nonviolent communication, and in this way you will teach your child to express himself without violating his interlocutor. Here I leave a link, with more information of this type of communication.
  Link nonviolent communication.

I hope this information is useful and motivates you to investigate more, and help your children develop this tool that will be useful throughout their lives.