So in my last blog, I left off with speaking on the point of how with this polarity playing out in my work environment where I am feeling limited due to the restrictions that are inherently within work such as time constraints, movement constraints, responsibilities expanding, and thus less free time to do what I personally want, I am more tied up so to speak in limitations and necessary tasks that have to get done for my income and so survival. Where in the personalities that come out with the rebel character of being more care free and self indulgent is pushed to the back burner. Since my day is mostly spent at work during the week, this energy if left uncheck, starts to build and accumulate until the day I erupt and go explode, which outflows as irritation fueled within anger.
Irritation is where I go into a reaction of impatience toward my environment and instead of bringing this reaction back to myself and finding solutions, I have been reacting towards others, making it about them, instead of finding what in fact within myself is causing such emotions to get triggered and lived out.
I am in a state of blaming my work environment for the lack of freedom I feel toward the way in which I have to adjust my life to be part of the work force and so get a paycheck to stay stable. The point here I am dealing with is accessing this rebel character to reminisce about how much I wish I was somewhere else, doing the expanding and research and understanding of many different topics, and so not actually working with the issue, which is accepting my current location point which is at work and accepting that I have committed to responsibilities and I have tasks to get done.
Here what I am going to walk is some self forgiveness on using the rebel character within to daydream, causing this personality to peak my self interest desire to expand myself, and thus get brought back down to reality, so a drop when I have to face work, the tasks, people, and responsibilities on the daily. This effect me as my work environment presence as I go into a low and react in anger and annoyance because I am not able to fulfill these desires I have of being free, not restricted, self indulgent in what the rebel personality expresses, doing my own thing against what others think or want of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to split my reality when I am at work with fantasy as I go into my mind and play out fantasies of what I wish I was doing such as being outside, building something, working with friends, researching and learning, ect. When I see realize and understand that this is a projection of my desires and thus I am missing out on the reality that I am living out right here as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into a picture fantasy of what ifs and what could be, instead of facing myself in my reality and the real physical effort it’ll take to get to a point where I can expand myself more within my responsibilities and current commitments as I have to first stand in all shoes as me and walk what is needed to get to a point where we all can move to a next phase as I know have to consider the group above my self interest as I am doing what is best for all and so the process of who I am has to accumulate in the physical rather then playing games in my mind for self interest ends.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my environment to blow off the accumulated energy built up of my desires and fantasies not being fulfilled and thus blame my work environment rather then take self responsibility and finding ways to support others to build themselves up to a point where they can take on more and thus support the whole to be more effective as I have done it for myself and others have done it for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others, yell at them and become nasty within myself toward them as blameful spiteful character instead of stopping that and taking the point back to myself to deal with me, my spite and my desires that are superseding what is best for all and work with reality to create the future I would like to see step by step as reality and the physical moves in real time.
I commit myself to use irritation and this rebel character fantasy about what could be to catch myself from going into this polarity of separating myself into highs and lows and through that work with living words to ground me back to earth, and find ways to work with the physical, by working with the tasks in my field to start building and accumulating the goals I have for myself.
I commit myself to live words such as specific and creative as I move within my tasks in self awareness pushing ways of creativity to help me expand as well as help the company become more efficient and stable. I commit myself to use the word specific as I hone in more on what I am doing in the physical and see where I can expand within to learn something new or become more expressive in making it more personal and so more putting myself into what I am doing as I am living it.
I will continue in next blog in the living words that tested out for more support to on this energy pattern I have been accepting and allowing in the work place and solutions to continue to walk it into a point that supports me and others.
Thanks for reading.
For more self supportive material on your life journey, check out:
http://www.desteni.org - material on equality and oneness principles of life
http://www.eqafe.com - self support on all topics educational recordings
http://www.earthhaven.org - self sustainable communities with a core of what is best for all life.