I had the privilege of interviewing the illustrious Dayna Martin. It was as good as I imagined. A number of things she said struck a chord in me. Looking at myself in the video, I can see the wheels spinning in my head.
Having a chance to process it all, these are five things I learned from my interview with Dayna Martin:
1. Unschooled children live NOW while the rest live in preparation for the future, which may never come.
Many of us - including myself at times - live today in preparation for the future. In school the goal is a far-off graduation. People stay at jobs they dislike for a distant “happy retirement.”
Unschoolers live in the now. That goal of so many self-books, to “be in the now” is something that unschoolers already possess. They are living their passions in the moment, not after they finish school and their homework is done, and they are happier.
As a result, they are more successful. Happiness doesn’t follow success. Happiness precedes success. I can corroborate this as more and more I turn away from the things I don’t want to do and towards the things which are my passions. Those who know me well say that they have seen the recent change, coming from within.
2. Parents: You need to care more about what your children think of you than what strangers think of you.
When Dayna began unschooling her children, as a natural progression of raising them naturally, she faced stiff resistance from members of her family. As she put it, she had to choose between her mother-in-law’s acceptance, and her son. At the time, it was extremely difficult to choose her son. Her whole sense of self-worth was directly linked to others’ acceptance. Dayna chose her son’s happiness and the benefits were “ten times better than she could have imagined.”
So many times I have seen parents, both in the United States, Europe, Africa, and China be so much kinder and friendlier to total strangers - who pass through their lives in a few seconds - than their own children, whom they brought into this world. It’s heartbreaking and needs to change for us to have any chance of a better world.
After a few seconds, strangers will forget how you treated them. Your children however, will remember for their entire life.
3. Parenting is Simple
The American philosopher Thoreau urged us to “Simplify. Simplify. Simplify.” Parenting is thought of as an arduous task, an exhausting task, and a joyless effort. Most parents I see with their children look tired, distracted, or annoyed.
Many parents almost seem to be at war with their children. Their mindset is that their children need training, rewards, punishment, and constant consistent correction. Parents seem to be “working” on their children constantly, which is exhausting for both parties!
As Dayna told me at 29:32 is “All you need to do is connect with your child, trust your child, have a relationship with your child, and let them communicate to you what they want and what they don’t want!”
It sounds like the Taoist thought of “action without action.” Accomplishing things by not trying to do too much. It is so simple but so profound.
4. There’s Nothing to Worry About!
Unschooling is the natural way to raise your children. The problem for most people, as Dayna said, is “Everyone in the outside world telling you ‘You’re crazy! You’re wrong! It’s not going to work!’”
The shrill panicky voices of society, regurgitated by teachers and those who watch a good amount of television programming, insist it cannot be done that way.
But what about their “socialization”?
How will they get “a job”?
But what about? What about?…
Your average person will bring up all the hoops one “needs to” jump through just to lead a mediocre and unfulfilling life!
This restrains people from walking down the path:
As Dayna said, not only does unschooling works but has worked 10 times better than she could have dreamed it would!
Instead of fretting over what they could lose, focus on the very real gains of unschooling!
- Unschoolers are internally motivated to learn, seeing it as a tool to get more of what they want, rather than a chore to be avoided.
- Unschoolers often have multiple careers at a young age with multiple sources of income.
- Unschoolers have a strong and trusting connection with themselves and their parents, whom they see as allies rather than adversaries.
So jump in, the water’s fine!
5. Unschooling is For Everyone!
Those of us who have gone through the school system “Lived the agenda of other people” to quote Mrs. Martin. We were forced to learn things we probably weren’t interested in, so the thought of learning and study turns most of us off.
But it shouldn’t because learning is joyful!
Unschooling is not just for parents who have children, it’s for all of us. We are meant to follow our passions and chase our dreams! If you’re not learning, and continuing to expand your consciousness, you’re shrinking, decaying, dying! Sorry to be so blunt, but it’s true.
If you are a parent and want to unschooled your kids, then start following one of your passions and your children will follow by pursuing theirs.
You can watch the full interview here
Dayna Martin to China
I am so honored that I got to connect with one of the great minds of our time. Watching this interview multiple times gives me a deeper understanding of this philosophy.
“What I learned from Dayna Martin” could easily be 50 pages long. I urge you to watch the interview and watch it again to really let the wisdom sink in.
We want Dayna to visit us in China and she has agreed to come in December. I have seen what she plans to teach in her workshops and it looks spectacular: Information you won't find other places.
If you want to learn unschooling and parenting from her in person, let us know, and if you have friends who are interested, please send this to them. Above all, treat your kids with the dignity and respect that they deserve, and let’s change this world for the better.
-Michael McGillicuddy
Fujian, China