We absolutely hate being controlled. This is evident in man's constant fight for freedom over people who believe that they know best. But it's not just the elites that want to try to control us. We have those people who are in our lives all the time trying to control us, and in fact, we are trying to control them too.
We all are trying to control others for some rather interesting reasons. And the reasons all boil down to us being selfish. We have personal motives thanks to our motivational triad. When we have unintentional thoughts our mind does not want to self-regulate it wants to pass that torch over to somebody else. In doing so we start trying to control others.
How do we try to control others?
The big question many people have is, how am I controlling other people? I don't want to control other folks. That's absurd, why do I want to control people? You can tell whether someone is trying to control you just by their very actions. And these range from very normal very subtle means of control to physical acts of violence. There are many different tools that we use to try to control, manipulate, and coerce people into doing what we want.
Sharing ideas
The most common way is just by sharing ideas. You see this a lot On social media. especially on Twitter. you will see someone posting an idea that somebody else doesn't like, and that person will come up with some type of response to try to control that person. And some people will say no, that's just a disagreement. It can be a disagreement or a discussion. Yet when a person gets angry about the comment that's when that person is trying to control the other person.
Even in cordial discussions, there is a bit of control going on. We are trying to convince another person to think like us we're trying to have them think the same way we do.
Using different communication styles
Another way we try to assert our control over other people is with our communication style. communication styles are passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. Now these communication styles have their benefits and their drawbacks. The most effective in sharing ideas is the assertive communication style. while the passive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive communication styles have more drawbacks than benefits.
The passive style of communication has no actual weight so the person using it comes across as sounding weak and easily controlled. This is the communication style many victims will use as a means to actually manipulate people into feeling sorry for them.
The aggressive style is used by victims who don't get what they want. so they believe they have to turn up the emotional heat to get people to pay attention to them. Yet this causes people to do just the opposite or to be controlled with a lot of resentment.
The passive-aggressive communication style is used by nice guys, and these are the guys who come across as sneaky and conniving. They don't really accomplish much in their control though they want control the most.
Medical News Today Talks about how you can handle people who are trying to control you, yet they also talk about how people try to control others. Those ways are through manipulation, coercion, threats, and intimidation.
Manipulation
Manipulation at its base is controlling another person. This is when someone tries to force a person to do something in a very backhanded way. Nice guys are famous for manipulation. They try to force people to like them. By accepting all of their target's thoughts without having their own. They tend to take on that person's tasks so that the nice guy looks as if he is going above and beyond his needs. Often nice guys are overly agreeable.
Nice guys also wind up being incredibly frustrated because of their covert contracts and that is where the manipulation takes place. their wife or girlfriend is often the target of their manipulations. The nice guy will clean the house, do the dishes, scrub the floors, wash the car, and do many other tasks thinking that doing so will cause their girlfriend to want to have sex with them. Yet many times especially later in the relationship the target May not know why but they do get tired of the manipulation.
When you start realizing that you have the sinking feeling that something's not right, that's usually because someone is trying to manipulate you. If you are just filled with Dread every time you see someone who is seen as friendly showing up, that's them trying to manipulate you.
When you are feeling guilty for some reason that makes no sense over all there is a good chance that you are being manipulated.
Coercion
Not coercion is a bit more insidious in their actions. This is more forceful in getting people to do what you want. When we hear of controlling others this is actually more along the lines of what we think of. coercion is the use of blackmail or The use of physical violence.
When a bully says if you don't give me your lunch money I'm going to beat you up that is coercion. the bully is coercing you into giving your money narcissists often use coercion when they're tactics don't work
Threats
Now threats are a type of coercion. Yet when it comes to controlling people this is often used. You either do what I say or I'm going to spill a dark secret you have. These types of coercion are easily overcome by not having fear of whatever threat they issue.
Most people throw out empty threats and give up when their threats are not headed. However, it is a good sign that you need to be in the relationship if threats are being issued.
Isn’t that abuse?
Yes, when the control reaches the coercion level. That is when psychological abuse, emotional abuse, and physical abuse all creep up. but we control people day to day and this is where a lot of people get wrapped up.
We tried to get people to agree with us that we are trying to control a person, it isn't abusive. so no controlling somebody or trying to control somebody doesn't have to be abusive. Yet abuse will show up as an element of control.
Why do we control others?
So why do we try to control others? Now I've said that it is from a very basic means of our motivational Triad. However, what we're trying to do is actually hand the control of our emotional being over to somebody else. Now this sounds really weird. I get that because we get to control other people so we don't have to control our own emotions.
Taking responsibility for our own emotions is really scary for many of us. That is because we are the root of our happiness, we are the root of our sadness. We are the root of our discontentment. We are the root of our anger. We are the root of our loneliness. We are the root of all of our emotions.
This is because our thoughts create our emotions. Yet many people don't want to pay attention to what their thoughts are. It's easier to go around day to day and not focus on what we are thinking. A good example of us not paying attention to our thoughts is when we suddenly become irritated For What appears to be no reason at all. That reason though is because we had a thought.
It is a means of emotional regulation.
It is a means of resistance
That means us trying to control others is a means of us resisting our emotions. we would rather try to manipulate someone into liking us and affirming that we're a good person. Then do the thought work that it takes to feel good about ourselves.
It is by far easier to come across as the white knight on a horse than to face the fact that we are a dude in distress. That is not manly so we need to find someone else to rescue. Can't find a victim to rescue? Then let's make one! And so the manipulation begins.
Like I said though we also get angry and get into arguments as a means to control other people. Suddenly we don't feel like we know as much as we did before so we lash out at the person on Facebook who said something that we perceive as making us feel stupid. When in reality it is our thought that we are stupid that makes us angry.
It is so much easier to have somebody else validate our emotions than for us to accept that our emotions are valid. We want that external validation from someone else because that's a lot easier. You want to feel good to get somebody to tell you you're a good guy. All of a sudden you have your Echoes with your thoughts and so you're okay with being okay.
We all control other people. Sometimes we do it in normal civil ways, other times we do it in very harsh uncalled-for ways. But we are all trying to control other people. Is that right or is that wrong? I don't know that's your choice you get to choose is it right is it wrong and does that answer serve you?
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Posted from my blog with Exxp : https://www.relaxedmale.com/the-root-reason-as-to-why-we-all-try-to-control-others/