A Cycle of Secrecy: Needs We Don't Talk About

Hello fellow Hive account@hivers Hive account@emotions&feelings, this is my first post here. It's nice to be here.

In the last few days, I’ve been feeling emotionally low, with my mind flooded with questions about how to move on from here.

“Here” means continuing life as a single mum after my marriage ended exactly two years ago in August 2023.

Since then, I’ve wrestled with bitterness, anger, depression, guilt at a point, and then the reality bell rings. For two years, I’ve held on to that empty space, that vacuum.

Through it all, my only focus has been on catering for my girls: giving them the best life I can and preparing them for this often harsh world and getting my total hip replacement surgery done to redeem my deteriorating health.

But somewhere along the line, I realised I had ignored my own emotional and sexual needs. At first, they felt like the least of my worries. Then, after healing from a traumatic pregnancy and delivery, those needs began to surface again. I found myself yearning for emotional and sexual needs that, over time, started getting me frustrated

Many single mothers shy away from admitting this truth. We bury it at the bottom of our priorities, convincing ourselves that survival and our children’s well-being come first. And maybe that’s true. But maybe it’s not the whole truth. Or perhaps it's just me feeling so.

In my reflections, I’ve asked myself how to meet these needs without moral consequences. The option that came to mind, yes, you guessed it, is masturbation. A topic so many of us avoid because it carries layers of silence, shame, and cultural or religious judgment.

Yet the silence creates its own trap: secrecy, guilt, and isolation.

Here’s what I’ve come to realise: having emotional and sexual needs is not wrong. They are part of being human. For some, masturbation becomes the only way to relieve the tension. Many engage in it but remain afraid to speak, fearing judgment.

But my reflection today isn’t about whether it is right or wrong. The last few months have taught me not to jump to conclusions without knowing people’s stories. Instead, my reflection is on how this private, unspoken , shapes our lives.

In my search, I’ve learned that masturbation can have benefits, such as improved mood and sleep, stress reduction, and even relief from certain kinds of pain. It can also support sexual health. This is not to glorify the act, but to acknowledge its presence in the human experience.

Still, I wonder: beyond being a healthy outlet, does it truly bring peace, or leave us feeling emptier? Is it a surface escape from loneliness and deeper emotional struggles? Or can it be a form of self-care when approached with the right intentions?

Perhaps the act itself doesn’t define us. But our intentions and relationship with our bodies might truly matter.

I’m still caught in between, wondering if it’s a harmless choice or just another temporary escape.

I leave this here for us to reflect on together. If you feel comfortable, share your thoughts.

Thanks for passing by, and I wish you a blissful and fruitful week ahead.