oh my god - where do I start then?
this morning I drove my daughter to school as usual - and just as we were about to pull into the driveway in front of the school there was this little toddler boy walkind down the middle of the road right in front of us and he was completely alone (couldn't have been more than two years old)! With my mouth hanging open, I pulled off to the side of the drive, and got my daughter to get out of the car, and told her to lead him back to the house that he had appeared from. He lead her to a back door and must have walked straight back in again, as by the time I got out of the car - he had disappeared again. So that was really weird.
Then I came home and logged into facebook and went straight to a page where I have joined a group of people who follow James Altucher - an incredibly inspirational guy from America who blogs a LOT! I have been following this guy for over two years now and he always writes straight from the heart and doesn't seem to edit anything he does. His stories are always inspirational, invigorating and he tells it as it is - which I find incredibly refreshing in this day and age, and he is also brutally honest with people - and more often than not, gets away with it. Again, amazing right?
So anyway, this group consist of fans who have read his book entitled 'Choose Yourself' which is essentially about making the decisions that are right for you - having the confidence to follow your own path in life, and making the choice to 'choose you' over everything else.
I only joined up with this group yesterday, posted the usual 'about me' stuff on there, talked to them about the new group that I started which is going to change the lives of hundreds of others - and there was very little feedback from them.
Then today when I logged in online, this stunning look chick from Brazil joined up and started a conversation with everyone and then this happened!!! Fucking lit up like a christmas tree with comments from guys coming from all over the planet wanting to talk to her. As you can imagine, I was completely dubious from the start as her entire facebook is blank and she has been working at home since 1994... mmmmmm. So anyway, after about ten minutes of sitting there in this self-help group page watching all of this shit going on - i had just about had enough - and decided to join in and ripped into them all!
Anyway, to make a long story short - I basically ended up throwing the dummy at all of them for being so stupid, more or less referred to most of them as neanderthals and ended up reporting the whole thing to Admin for further investigation to see if her profile is real.
A little while later, when I had calmed down and had time to reflect on this outburst of mine - and had an epiphany! This was less of a reflection on them, and more of a reflection of me and my attitude towards her! I realised with some kind of horror that I had still not dealt with everything that had made me unhappy in life, that I still held a bitterness for the last ten years that I thought had been wasted in so many ways, and was actually guilty of reverse-discrimination against her because she was beautiful and appeared to have it all. It's a very humbling experience when you realise that you have misbehaved or made a mistake that has been watched by the more than 7,000 in that group - but the things that I do have a reason behind them, and unfortunately also realised that I still have some work to do on myself. There is a residual bitterness inside of me that still has to be dealt with, before I can move on and show others the way forward. But as ever, I am determined to lead by example - so this is me back, once again, to the self-help drawing board :) Tamara x
