(Credit: Image par Gerd Altmann de Pixabay)
Since the Weinstein "story" came out and the #MeToo was released, many women started talking, breaking the long-time consensus about sexual harassment. In France, #BalanceTonPorc has had a nice little success and still has. Not a single day without hearing gross stories about men thinking power goes along with grabbing ladies by the pussy as a very elegant man has put it...
Sexism, harassment and feminism
For what it's worth, I do discuss gender equality quite a bit those days. Founder of Womentoring, a mentoring program designed to create new role models for women AND men, deeply involved in WomenInTech global movement and a fierce advocate of women empowerment for years, I have always stood up for what seems to me like a fundamental idea: men and women are different but equal. Different in their anatomy, in their strengths and visions but equal in their capacity to reach the top and change the world, hopefully to make it a better place.
I have explained my students how society beliefs have structured our modern way of thinking and built prejudice that even in 2019 we struggle to fight: women don't know how to drive, women aren't trusted to manage a corporation (even though studies show companies led by women perform better), women need to take care of the kids, women can't work correctly during their menstruation, women can't... And don't tell me these are ideas of a different age because they were stated by a 19 years old student no later than last week in one of my classes. So much for gender balance and new generations being more aware!
So, to sum up the most biased prejudices those days:
- No, women don't stay in bed during their menstruation, even though it can be really painful;
- Yes, women know how to set up a business plan and create a business model (and it doesn't consist of "well, to make money, we'll raise money", but that's another article to come);
- Yes, women know what "no" means and when they say "no", they mean it;
- No, it is not normal to think women are just breasts and butts;
- Yes, you can still tell a woman she looks beautiful, as long as you also aknowledge her brains (and YES, you can tell a man he looks gorgeous too);
- Yes, women can make a "man's job" - the real question being: "Can men do a "woman's job..?" (actually, could someone tell me what a man's job and a woman's job are..? Just to make sure...);
- Yes, little girls can play with toy cars and little boys can play with dolls and that doesn't change anything;
- Pink used to be a very manly color, so stop telling little boys that's not a color for them if they like it;
- Should I pursue or did I make a point..?
The dark side of #MeToo
(Credit: Image par Mihai Surdu de Pixabay)
The truth is: #MeToo has freed women who felt like they couldn't talk about what happened to them and this has led to some sort of global discovery - like no one ever knew that before... But this has come with its loot of new problems. Don't get me wrong: again, I do support women and would certainly vote some kind of law enabling to crush assailers' balls and make them eat them if there was one, but maybe, yes, maybe... this has gone too far, and certainly not the way it should have, leading to some more inequalities. We're only changing paradigm.
My new favorite answer, when I'm asked how I react if I'm in a room full of men and need to discuss business is: "I'll bring up a dildo - and trust me, one big enough - and tell those gentlemen that now we can talk, mine being bigger than theirs." The truth is: I'm not really sure this is legal, but I don't see men suing me for this... And this is representative of my attitude: I adapt and use the same weapons as my enemies. I know - by experience - that being the sole lady in the room gives men the idea that they are powerful and I'm the poor little thing who can't fight for herself. Surpriiiiiise! I'm worse than you are, thanks to years of friendship with boys at school and men later. being surrounded by men does provide an advantage if you know how to listen and understand the hidden meanings.
Anyway, my statement "Be like them instead of trying to teach them, they'll probably understand once it's getting too hard on them" might have been the wrong way to do it, or at least has unthought of consequences when over-used. By now, you probably need a little explanation as I guess it only looks like I'm trying to excuse myself for being too pushy sometimes.
First things first: I don't excuse myself for anything (at least not linked to gender harassment). I pride myself with always being inclusive and trying to make people feel safe and comfortable, whatever their gender, orientation, culture... you name it. BUT: I do answer when attacked and will most probably get pretty nasty if someone with less confidence is bullied (or harassed or assaulted). My "special talent" is to use the bully's exact same weapons but turn them back at him (or her), just the way you do in tae kwon do (I practiced a little and embraced the philosophy). The harder you hit, the stronger it'll backlash. Simple physics ;)
So why should I care about women starting to empower and challenge men on their own playground? Probably because some have a bit too literally the idea of acting like men do and have shifted the unbalance. Ok, I know, I need to explain this - too.
Female predators
It has come to my ears lately that women, whom I've always known can be worse than men, have indeed become pigs of their own. Oh, I hear you from where I am: "What the hell is she talking about?" Well, we do agree on the fact that a guy showing his dick to a woman during a meeting is not something to do, right? Now, what about a woman showing her in-betweens, no panties on during a meeting with a man? Little precision: we are talking about a business meeting...
Is a woman allowed to do so? And if a man should be able to avoid such a situation, shouldn't a woman do just the same? As I said: it seems like some ladies have embraced the men's behavior way too much, including the bad habits. the stories I heard are nothing to be proud of when you're a woman and advocate for gender balance. Women touching men, uncovering their breasts and making more than explicit offers to men in less powerful positions. You need a contract? Play the game of get out of here. You want to complain? Who is ever going to believe you? Actually, you should be happy this happens to you. Don't you know how many men would loooove to be at your place right now?
Sounds absurd? It should, it is, but still: it's true!
Let's face it: sexual harassment is genderless
Now, what should a man do? I guess we all agree it's ok if a woman slaps a man if the face because he behaves inadequately. Nobody will ever tell you you should have thought it over if, when a man places his hand on your knee and starts going up your thigh, you lose control and... slap him. Even if he complains, no one would say you were wrong. But that's because you're a woman. Would you imagine what would happen if a man did the same thing to the woman trying to grab his balls? everyone would say he overreacted and should have by no reason slapped her.
So here we are: one the one hand we encourage women to stand up for themselves and fight against sexism; on the other, men now suffer from the exact same situations and have no choice but to deal with them. Some might say it's just giving-back, but... is it?
Personally, I wouldn't like to live in a world where women can do whatever they want because men fear of what would happen to them if they decided to take a stand. And you know what? This is exactly what's happening right now. Should a man use #MeToo, he would instantly be attacked, people would say it's not the same, that there's no possible comparison. But I don't see a difference: man or woman, our bodies belong to us and no one else should have any power to make us do what we don't want to.
Empowering women is giving them the strength to fight back, to stand up for what they believe in and live the life they want, without having to depend on anyone. It shouldn't be about using this newly conquered power to place men in a submissive position, nor impose any type of harassment. I fear #MeToo, by being gender-biased, might lead to a society in which men will have to suffer from being silenced because... you know... you're a man and she's a woman, so... there's nothing you can do...