Whenever I go to London, there's this voice saying “Mind the gap between the train and the platform”. A simple caution addressed to travelers on the tube at certain stops. A reminder that you should be careful and watch your step. Well, in my everyday life as an entrepreneur, I need to keep a little voice in my head telling me to mind the gap. But this time the gap is a different one: the gender gap.
Four lessons I’ve learned
I once gave a conference on what it’s all about being a woman and an entrepreneur. And I have to admit I started with a few examples of what it’s like to be a woman. My first memory of inequality started when I was a kid: even though I refused to wear pants, I was boyish and played with toy cars. Logically, I asked for a garage for Christmas and my father’s answer still sounds like a punition: “no, that’s for little boys”. So much for letting me make my own choices… Lesson number one: even people who love you might limit your opportunities because of your gender.
Later, as I was working for a showroom in fashion, I endured the biggest betrayal ever in my professional life. One of my colleagues, totally unable to manager her own tasks, asked for my help. Which I gave, not even hesitating for a second as things were easy for me and she struggled to be able to keep up. Mother of an 11-year-old daughter, she couldn’t stay late. So, I helped her once my own work was done, to let her finish early. But one day I told her what I was about to tell our boss to negotiate my contract. She found a way to see him first and used my very own arguments; hence, when I came up with my speech, he already had his answers and didn’t give a thing. Second lesson: women won’t help you and will stab you in the back if they have the opportunity.
Finally, I created my own company. Not a flourishing unicorn but still a small business with some great clients. I used to have two partners, both men. And guess what? Each time I went to a meeting with some new prospects without them, the same question kept coming up: “where’s your partner?”, implying “the male partner, the one who knows business”. People didn’t even consider the possibility that I was the one in charge, instead they waited for the man, the boss. Well, I was the boss and things haven’t changed since: I’m the one in charge, I’m the one who knows. Lesson three: whatever you do, men keep on trusting men for business and women for cooking.
A few years later, I started hiring for my team. My boss gave me all freedom of choice until he came up with his niece who needed a job. Well, what can you say? Actually, the right answer is “no” if you feel that’s not the right person. But, as anybody would have, I said “yes”. And that’s when I realized that women are way better than men at… finding excuses for not working! Their creativity exceeds any excuse a man could come up with. Lesson four: women are creative as hell when they don’t want to work.
I’m CEO, bitch!
Though I’m not the first one to use this phrase, this is what I want to say whenever men look at me like I’m this tiny cute thing that needs things to be explained to her in a simple way. I have chosen my field: I work in the digital, and although more and more women enter it, it’s still a very masculine world. If you launch a startup as a woman, it’s better be about fashion, interior design or have something to do with a smart grocery list. Imagining solutions for companies, creating strategies or even thinking of going towards anything more technical or specific raises suspicion: a woman can’t deal with this, where’s the guy behind the idea?
Well, I’d like to say… FUCK OFF!
For as long as I’ve been working, I’ve always been more than productive. My efficiency lies in the simple fact that I want to get things done fast. The faster, the better. And I can say that I don’t know that many people with such an ability to work at this pace. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not the smartest person, not even close to it: there are geniuses out there achieving more in a day than I will in my entire life. However, when it comes to my part, to what I do, I rule. Moreover, with time, I became a killer at things I haven’t been trained for and that I never thought I would have to ever deal with. But I developed the skills and can compete with any man around the table.
Filling the gap
Since the #MeToo affair, people have been talking about gender equality more than ever before. Politics have put the concept at the center – well, in some countries at least – and women can’t stop telling their stories. But what surprises me is the lack of education that should come up prior to any of those discussions. Why is it that my father refused to let me have a garage for my cars? Why is it that today, still, women aren’t seen as entrepreneurs? Why is it that I constantly hear I should be more comprehensive with women and give them a chance?
I don’t believe in “giving women a chance” more than “giving men a chance”. I give a chance to whoever deserves it, whatever the gender. I’ve never been one of those feminists that people adore to mock: the ones preaching for a different kind of attitude towards women so that they feel integrated, equal to men and included in the world they live in. I’ve never even been close to that. The main reason being: why should we treat women in a different way? Are we so useless that we need to be given more chances than men to succeed?
I strongly believe that gender equality and filling this gap we all know of shouldn’t have anything to do with helping women achieve this or that. No, it has to do with empowering women and letting them know that, indeed, they can achieve anything, regardless of gender. Of course, when it comes to physical strength, we don’t have the same abilities, we have to train more (see G.I. Jane for more demonstration), but if it’s about logic, organization, business, creation, analysis, ideation, conception, negotiation, etc. women are as able as men are. If a man can make it, a woman can, too.
Filling this gap starts from childhood with simple tasks and chores: why should girls help their mother in the kitchen while boys help their father in the garden? Why can’t girls fight when boys are, if not allowed to, at least tolerated to? Why should a girl be told to be careful when she wears a dress or a skirt when boys aren’t told that this is not invitation? The truth is: we address the problem once it’s too late, making it almost impossible to turn things around. A woman wearing a skirt will always be seen as a “girly” (since when is this a default?) and an executive woman will always be expected to wear the same outfit as men.
A year ago, I assisted to a conference on gender equality in the media. All women on stage except for one wore pants, either blue, black or gray. The same women, a few weeks later, at a conference on luxury wore colorful dresses. They naturally tried to fit in: if you want to be taken seriously as a woman, you can’t dress up like one. Only men can come up with a Star Wars t-shirt and be respected – they’re start uppers, that’s their uniform. This must change!
For years now, I have been giving talks and lectures in France and abroad. A role I worked hard for, never agreeing on giving up on my lifestyle. I am girly and proud to be. I wear dresses and skirts, pink, red and prints, and will continue, whatever the audience. I’m a woman, I’m the boss and I’m not ready to change. Deal with it!