Living single is not for sissies.
I’ve lived single for all my 50+ years of life and I’ve done all of these (and more). Journaling was what led me to realize just how much time I had wasted on any of these.
I actually looked over some old journal entries a year or so ago and my whining over the same things over and over jumped out at me. My disgust prompted me to make some changes.
I hope in sharing this it will help you to not waste as much time and energy as I have done.
Many of these are usually listed among signs of depression. While I can’t say that turning the table on these will cure depression it just might help lighten the load a little bit.
It’s easy to slide into anyone of these habits when you live alone. There’s no one else to notice and give you a reality check. But you just came across this post. Lucky you!
Here’s your reality check:
- Whine about being single. Whine that you are all alone, that everyone else has someone, that you have no one to do anything with, no one to talk to, whine whine whine.
- Don’t clean your house since no one else is going to see it. For that matter, don’t take a shower, either. Who cares anyway? Your pet won’t mind that you stink and you’re hairy.
- Declare that if only he/she/they had done/not done X, Y, or Z you would not be alone and miserable right now.
- Make no effort to connect with other people in any way. Stay on the couch in your jammies eating junk food and staring at an electronic devise. Wait for others to contact you. After all, isn’t your pitiful loneliness their primary concern?
- Resent friends and family that have spouses and/or children and actually make their families their priority instead of you.
Action to take today:
- Stop whining. Just. Stop.
- Tidy your home. Putting things away, sweep the floor and haul out the trash. You have to see your home and you count. Diffuse some essential oils or burn a nice smelling candle. Make your home welcoming for yourself. Take a shower and get dressed.
- Let go of blaming anyone or anything for your single status. Whatever has come before is the past now. Leave it there. You can’t control what others do or don’t do. But you do control how you respond to what others do or don’t do. Do something new and different. Make a list of 10 things you’ve wanted to do and start doing them.
- Connect with another person right now. Call a friend or a family member and really listen to what matters to them. Learn what’s going on in someone else’s life. Go somewhere and strike up a conversation with someone even if all you talk about is the weather.
- Offer help or encouragement to someone. Everyone needs encouragement and that includes people with spouses and children. Babysitting may not be your thing but you could offer to return some library books for them or bring them something they need from the a store or help them fold some laundry. If there is nothing they need you will have shown that you care about them. Better yet, go volunteer in a soup kitchen. Or something.
The basis for all of these self-destructive behaviors is based upon the lie that having a spouse or children or even a dating partner will somehow make your life okay. It won’t. YOU make your life okay. If you focus on making your life okay then if someone comes along to share your life with it will be icing on the cake of life that YOU have baked.
Some truths to keep in mind along the way:
- Recognize that others do not have a a problem free life.
- Don’t wait for someone else to make you a priority in their life. Make yourself a priority in your own life. Learn to love yourself. I’m not talking about narcissistic ego boosting, I’m talking about truly caring about your own health and well-being. All aspects: physical, emotional, spiritual and social.
- You can do this thing called life. And you can do it single.
- You bring a gift to the world that no one else can bring.
- You are worth it and you matter.
Your turn
Tell me in the comments below if any of these have been true for you and what you did to turn it around. I’d love to know. What are additional ideas for turning around a miserable mindset?
Thanks for reading! AM