Coventry was fun, I wish I stayed longer but I’m sure most people say that about every place when they are in travel mode. The next stop was seeing my cousin for the day in Bristol where he now lives, see what the city has to offer then hop on the next train south to see more members of my immediate family.
My Coventry to Birmingham train was late, I thought this was going to mean I would miss my connecting train to Bristol but fortunately on an unrelated note that train was also 20 minutes late so it didn’t affect me in the end.
Winningson Von Legendsworth the third!!! I rocked up to Bristol Parkway and text my cousin, “Yo bredrin; I’m in Bristol with bare shit to carry bruv and you ain’t nowhere to be seen, what’s gwarnin cuz?” (Conversation may have been exaggerated for dramatic effect…) and he replied, “Nah bruv, what you saying? I swear down you are a fucking waste man, I don’t see you anywhere fam” (Conversation happened word for word…)
After acting like gangsters, or shall I say middle class North London teenagers, We eventually found each other, had a manly handshake and celebrated our interaction with a feast of the KFC kind.
I may have mentioned before that I was planning to do a KFC challenge with someone, this was the someone that was throwing down, only I pussied out at the last minute and said I’d buy him lunch instead because I lost my masculinity somewhere between 2014 and 2015. Only for the fucker to order 8 mini fillets!!! The order came to over fifteen quid for the two of us. Cheers prick…
Then Prickson McMinifillet drove me around in his beast of a car (a Mitsubishi Idontcare 2.0 with something) showing me the town centre. It was amaaazing. So amazing Luther Vandross would have wrote a song about it. We then went to a cider pub and he bought me a sparkling perry (which is kind of like a sweet cider I guess) Which made up for the KFC fiasco, but I’m still going to refer to him as Prickson McMinifillet for the rest of this blog as punishment for molesting my wallet without any intention of calling back or buying flowers the next day…
It was time for me and Prickson to go back to his house. That’s right…House. At least one of us is doing well for himself! As we pulled up to his house we drove past a couple of Mr Mcminifillet’s mates, only for one of them, who shall be referred to simply as Toby…mainly because that was his name…to jump out theatrically at my cousin’s car and accidentally snapped off his wing mirror. What an introduction! It worked, because I don’t remember the other guy’s name…
So we grabbed food and chatted to the two stowaways until they ventured off on their own little journey. Then me and Prickson started doing what most educated men do, we got the X-box One out on a projector and played racing games.
I lost. Then my cousin smiled and said he had a game that was the best game ever. He then explained to me in great detail what the game was while it was loading and how to play it. I understood 13% of what he said, so I smiled and said “Kap.” like a Thai person. Then I played it, and I hated it. Then I played some more, got a few lucky points and accepted the fact I was going to be the next grandmaster of this game. I not ashamed to say we played until one in the morning, and even then I stayed up for another half an hour to unlock more levels for two player…
We woke up the next morning…Oh wait. I forgot to mention we went on the bridge overlooking Bristol, and a posh pub with a great view. I can’t be bothered to mix this in with the rest of the blog, so let’s just pretend I did…
Wow! This flows so well and is absolutely 100% chronological!
Thank you for noticing how great I am at life. Anyway, More Bristolness; Me and my McMinifilletman went around Bristol again and walked into a pub for lunch. I can’t remember the name but I know it was ‘Dyke’ something because I thought of Dick Van Dyke when I heard the name. Anyway, we had lunch there and it was shit. Mexican Monday it was, and it was £5.25 for a meal and a drink to be fair so I shouldn’t complain, but I will because I’m English and I hate everything…
I had ninety minutes to spare before I had to catch my train, so Prickson McMinifillet smiled at me and said the word that made me fall in love with him forever. He looked lovingly into my eyes and said, “Peggle?”
“PEGGLE!!!!!!!” I shouted back. I was so excited I could only repeat whatever he said. So we drove back in the opposite direction to play more Peggle, set multiple alarms so I wouldn’t miss my train and rinsed Peggle, and it was totally fucking worth it…
And as quick as I’d got into Bristol, I was on my way out again. Cheers cousin for showing me around your hometown and being such a great host. Fuck you for eating over ten pounds worth of KFC. And thank you again for introducing me to my next addiction. So overall I’m going with thank you Prickson McMinifillet! (That’s the last time I’ll ever call you that I swear!) I’ll see you when I come back! Next stop, Torquay, to see family and prepare for my final leg in England before I head off into Europe. Eek, I guess the word I’m looking for is…