It is interesting to analyze how throughout existence, dichotomous options are always repeated continuously as if it were an eternal loop of choice between two paths, good and evil, right and wrong, staying or leaving, laughing or crying , speaking or shutting up, among others; come to be micro-decisions of the day to day that together can build even a life.
For me it is quite normal the dichotomy, I use it continuously as a mechanism of psychological defense, which is better known as excision or split, understood as a primitive mental representation of the newborn, which helps him to survive at a time in his life in which not understanding what is going on around him, it is necessary to determine hunger as an extremely unpleasant sensation and to his mother's breast as a hugely pleasurable element, becoming, the split, an effective way to begin to know the world and to adapt; but what happens when the split remains in a person's adulthood?, well the result is that life slowly becomes harder and harder with an important difficulty to sustain stability with logical and predictable elements, and if something is sure in modern society, it is that if your behavior is not logical or predictable, the criticisms will be huge and abusive, and if you don't have the cognitive maturity to take on its, psychological and emotional damage can end up being irreversible.
To better understand the internal problem of split in adulthood, it is advisable to use an example, suppose that a 30-year-old young woman, physically attractive, economically stable and professional hook up online with a guy and during the date she discovers that this man is attentive, handsome, stable and funny, but as they talk, the gentleman lights a cigarette and starts smoking, by using the split as a defense mechanism there would only be two options for this girl, first, she will be deeply disappointed, she will mentally dismiss him immediately, and the climate of comfort in which they were both immersed will change into an atmosphere of discomfort and some falsehood, the girl will be overwhelmed by feelings of frustration, by passing another disappointment, and she will even perceive emotions of anger and depression (depending on her cognitive strength) and the man will be approached by feelings of disconfort or disdain (depending on his personality) and fall into his usual narcissistic or self-destructive patterns.
Second hypothetical framework, the girl is fascinated by seeing him smoking, because it pleases her deep fantasies of being with a rebellious, manly boy, already the girl begins to idealize him and it is when she initiates a domino effect that usually does not culminate very well, with the implicit risk of exaggerating the outcome of both contexts, I simply invite you all to reflect, wouldn't it be better just not to take everything so radically? The girl could express her discomfort without being disappointed, or she could like him without admire him, the problems of adulthood should not look black or white, they should be seen in a gray color, of course you must give it shades to the gray color to frame your personality, I would say that we must always see things in a Xanadu color, my favorite type of gray.
Extremes are fun, joyful and exciting, as long as they are not the norm, because, although harmful, chocolate and anchovies are always going to be necessary, because those intense and delicious sweet and savory flavors are what make us feel alive, so of time-and-time push everything to the limit, which is fine as a way of emotional liberation, because as long as you don't hurt anyone or yourself, a cascade of neurotransmitters will always be comforting, that's why those intense eccentrics who don't stay silent turn out to be beautiful and attractive to those constrained and controlled persons who seem always to be neutral and never pass the speed limit, each one of them need the other one type.
I myself hope to learn from this personal duality, to use it as a seasoning added to my identity, hoping that some people loves it and it generates in others the deepest rejection, as if we were talking about spicy Mexican food, but at the same time I will mentally train myself to take control and get that Xanadu color that makes life exciting and unique, but healthy and stable at the same time.