During adolescence, the relationship between parents and children can be severely affected. Parents may complain that their children do not listen to them or that they are isolated and do not communicate, and teenagers that their parents do not understand them. It then enters a loop of discussions and, sometimes, a deep gap is opened that is difficult to close. «Adolescence is the stage of transition between childhood and the adult stage, and where an important and critical change in the formation of their identity is going to take place, based on the experience lived in the previous stage. It is the time in which they put in question the established thing, which can suppose a confrontation to the imposed family norms. The parents are faced with a conflict: they understand the desire for autonomy on the part of the adolescent but their perception is that they are not yet prepared for that independence. If excessive control is used, rebellion and conflict will arise, "explains Ana Herrero, a psychologist at Brains College.

The adolescent is in a time of both physical and psychological changes and parents should help them through the process through different healthy, conciliatory and tolerant guidelines. «At the beginning of this stage there is an increase in the number of discussions between the adolescent and his family. The reasons are usually several, from the way of dressing or friends to household chores. Communication and understanding their position is crucial to resolve these conflicts and, above all, avoid direct confrontation, postponing some discussions using negotiation, "says this psychologist.

These are the keys that offer from this school to improve the relationship between parents and teenage children:

Do not take all your acts as something personal:

Many parents believe that everything their children do is an act of rebellion and that they do it simply for disobeying and annoying. The boys do not have that objective, but they are living a stage in which they feel the need to differentiate themselves from the position of their parents, which leads them to defy authority. Parents should try to see these reactions under a climate of tolerance, without taking it personally.

It is not so much what is said, but how it is said:

Parents must learn that their children are no longer children to be educated through "orders". Neither is he an adult, but it is convenient that little by little things are being managed as if he were, so he feels that he is no longer seen as a child and will help him in his maturation process. The word "no" should be replaced by alternatives such as "I would prefer" or "I would be fine".

You are your father or your mother, not your friend:

At this stage many parents believe that becoming their child's best friend or friend will solve all the problems; Parents who choose this path are wrong. Adolescents need rules and discipline and this can not be imposed by a friend. Adolescence is a stage full of changes in which children need to be accompanied, receiving guidelines from parents to be able to face those changes autonomously. Parents are a key figure who must set limits and understand their new concerns.

The importance of communication:

Learning to listen is essential for the adolescent to feel empathy for their parents. The first step is to identify the feelings you are transmitting ("I see you are worried / angry / upset ... by ..."). And if parents do not feel able to end the conversation in a quiet way it is better to postpone it to avoid an argument. In addition, the screams can not be accepted by either of the two, because as soon as the voice rises the communication is lost. You can not consent to insults or disrespect. To establish good communication it is very important that parents listen without interrupting and do not rush to give their opinion or to judge. It is better to use, in the face of criticism, messages - I: «When ... (describe the circumstances) I feel ... (describe the emotion or feeling) because ... (describe the consequences)».