Today I do not come with happy texts, of love and joy. I come, rather, wanting to leave.
I feel dissatisfied with things, it's as if I was a self two years ago, I did not know what to do or what direction to take. I feel dissatisfied with my surroundings, because even though I feel good most of the time, I also have a hard time thinking that other people have a hard time.
It's like I have everything and I still want more, the typical feeling of not knowing how to control your desires. Sometimes I want to be 29 and have a more or less determined life, have the person I love by my side, talk to their ear and laugh, look at my family with constancy and know that they do not lack food or clinical attention and that they are in peace, living his years in the same way that I live mine.
The head torments me, I start to question too much the things I do wrong and that ends up frustrating me to the point that I want to explode. Sometimes I realize the terrible anxiety and anger that I have accumulated in the body, and I just do not understand. My sister comes and talks to me about whatever it is and I'm already screaming at her, or my grandmother makes a suggestion and I do the same. They call me laughable, unstable, angry.
I get angry with myself, with the man who answered me wrong while I bought something, or in the queues I look at what I have to do to take something home. I am constantly angry with the regime, with pessimism and with the people who go with me in the taxi. I get angry with my friends who do not think, with the dirt of the street, and with the present, the past and the future.
There are few people who can stand me, but they are beginning to realize that something is not right, and that I must change. I know I have to stop thinking like this and face things instead of whining and doing bad things to the people who love me. I do not know how to control it, I think I'm silently asking for help in screaming.
I do not know what happens with me, everything seems ridiculous and I see myself in the pleasant need to shout or even fight with me. I'm tired, I just want to go to bed.
