Alrighty Steem Fam. This weeks episode of Bachelor had only two hightlights I'm not going to lie, the very beginning and the very end. On the plus side, I was able to watch my friend take a nap, and I got a new high score on my solitaire app. so there's that I guess.
Hometown dates are usually pretty generic and lame, unless you are Dean of course. Lest we forget this both amazing and honestly pretty fucked up moment in bachelor history:
Yeaaaa soooo pretty tough to have a hometown live up to the strange raw messed up aura we got with ol deanie baby. Of course BIP has proved to us that Dean is a bitch ass so I don't feel bad for him. I have also heard that he is being a bitch tit on winter games too, but I do not have any more room for trash tv in the garbage disposal that is my mind, so I will be avoiding that show.
Anyways. I digress. This weeks episode starts off strong with lovable hot as fuck weirdo Kendall. If you are going to have a creepy and frankly kinda nasty hobby like taxidermy, I suppose its best to just lay it all out on the table from the top. Kendall did exactly this. She decides to kick off her hometown date by leading Arie to her massive taxidermy collection. This whole segment of the date is where the editors are the real MVPs panning away to shots of the most horrifying pieces of taxidermy and playing spooky ass music in the background. ol snip snip doing their job well. If submerging your 1/4th fake tv boyfriend into a pit of dead animals wasn't bad enough, she then proceeds to make Arie stuff dead rats with her. They then dress them up in a wedding dress and tuxedo and proceed to play dolls. dead rat dolls. It's odd, but Arie just bites his tongue and plays along the whole while thinking fantasy suite next week fantasy suite next week... if she's this weird in the daylight I'm in for the most interesting night of my life.
That all being said Kendall is still my favorite because these other bitches (I mean eligible young ladies) are more boring than a small town cafe on a tuesday morning.... definitely not speaking from experience. The rest of Kendalls date was fine, her identical twin(come on she has a twin too? twin who collects dead animals... sounds like the starts of a Dean Koontz book. ) tried to shake up Arie a bit by saying she doesn't think Kendall is ready for engagement. Which guess what? good for her because proposing to someone after six weeks of knowing them is moronic. I tightly cross my fingers, hoping she doesn't go the way of beautiful gap tooth Peter, but fully preparing myself to let her go at the end of the episode.
I don't remember if Tia or Becca's hometown date was next because I spent most of the next 40 minutes looking at my phone and eating Taco Bell. #bajablastfolyfe. Tia, took Arie racecar driving as a romantic gesture that says hey, I (and everyone who googles you) know you like this since its your job. It also prevents them from speaking to each other so it definitely lacks the intimacy of say... stuffing foam into a rodent carcass. The families are dull, we get southern accents and Minnesota accents, but that's about as interesting as it gets. If we're being honest, hometowns are just an opportunity for us to here four old dudes Call their daughters little girl, and baby girl, and my precious little girl and say things like, I'll kill you and, no one hurts my Becca, and I can find you, and I have a shotgun and blah blah blah. All I can think about with the Dads on these dates is this song from the TV show Crazy Ex Girlfriend (hilarious check it out):
Anyways. that about sums up the vibe of most of these dates. I honestly can't remember a single interesting thing about Becca's date because I'd benefit more from remembering where I last saw that old pack of gum with one piece left in it.
Lauren has the last date, and I'm just annoyed because Arie legitimately seems to really care what her family thinks, which means she's probably going to win, which means after next week I'm just going to be annoyed and bored and drinking. Lauren's Dad makes a point to say not only do I love my baby lauren, but I was also in the military so I know how to use the gun I have in my bedroom effectively to hunt you down. Solid intimidation technique, and for a moment I am wondering if Arie has finally met his match and will not be able to charm this family with his solidified gravy of a personality. I am proven wrong as Arie says "Oh yea.... one time us third tier famous race car drivers went overseas and like hung out with the troops. It was great publicity." This answer turns Daddy into an instant fan, and he immediately turns into a star struck 12 year old "Oh wow! you did that? that's amazing, can you sign my angry forehead". Its all very silly. Some more things happen, moms question "the process" etc. and finally we make it to the rose ceremony
Before Arie starts he pulls Kendall aside to speak with her again. He's like "ummm hey your sister threw you under the bus, do you even want to put a ring on it?" Kendall is like "Dude I don't know I still have two weeks, which is basically two months of real life time so I can't incriminate myself right now by saying no, and I'm not done with this vacation yet!" Arie returns to the Rose ceremony and begins. Lauren and Becca are called first. This is no surprise are they are the two most boring contestants. I am starting to clean up my taco bell droppings and prepare for another boring week of boring people when.....
Kendall
what.
WHAT!?
This is real. After a crazy night in bed next week, Kendall might actually have a shot at winning this thing ! I am so shocked I yell and my friend who has been sleeping this whole time wakes up and says "Oh yea I know, crazy right?" I am so happy. There is hope for the hot weird ladies in this world after all!
Next week we will have bone town, and apparently an ex-boyfriend shows up? I'm sure it's probably just a giant cock- tease from ABC and that nothing worth noting actually happens, but who knows. Until then have a good day folks!
Also please let me know if the video tags work! This is my first time trying to incorporate videos and i want to know if I did it right. Thanks! please feel free to comment! See ya soon! :)