Just like a yogi teaching you how to meditate in order to better understand your body and develop mind control skills or a karate teacher teaching you “kata’s” to develop immediate physical reactions to certain situations, EQ also has certain procedures and tests to advance your abilities.
Remember, there are no real negative emotions, there are only negative applications or dominance of emotions on your actions. Fear is your hardest emotion to control, it is your worst enemy, whilst it is important to have it since it is a survival based emotion, it must not be allowed to dictate your other emotions. An instance when fear is useful is when you are standing on the edge of a cliff, without fear you would take an unnecessary risk that could lead to your death. So, in this instance fear is a positive emotion. Anger is also an emotional response based on how you accept information, you must be able to control your anger completely. Once you have taken the necessary steps to control these two emotions, the others will come into line. Another important issue is over-excitement of an emotion, such as happiness or awe. If you become excessively happy you can become hysterical and if you become excessively awe-struck you become a moron. All your emotions must be in check in order for you to truly appreciate every-one.
Remember two important facts: First, everyone was born as a baby, and was a child and grew up…this means that they are as human as you are. You don’t need to be in awe or to hesitate as much as you don’t need to be snobby or look patronizing. EQ is about understanding that everyone is different but must be treated equally. Second, some people are born with natural high EQ (the same as those with high IQ’s), they are natural chameleons since they subconsciously adapt themselves to every situation, sometimes it’s how they speak, others by how the stand, but all of them do the same thing, they control the way others perceive them.
Perception of self and how others perceive us are to different things, how we perceive ourselves is how self-conscious we are of our actions. How others perceive us is how we transit and project ourselves to them.
First, let’s discuss the human body and how we perceive it.
Form: One of the most important factors of EQ is how you see the person for the first time. You just walked into a room, you look around, what do you see? This happens with everyone, and the people you see present to you an image that you collect into your mind in 3 seconds, this is your first image that colors the way you think of that person even before they come into your sphere.
Form is made up of three parts; Clothes, stance and face.
Clothes are an important way on how you initially perceive a person, but at the same time their stance is just as important. If you see a person wearing an expensive suit but standing like he just woke up, you would think of him differently than you would a person wearing plain casuals but standing with authority. At the same time, you would look at his or her face, and see their hair, eyes, mouth and the way they look and express themselves. It’s also important to dress for the occasion, but sometimes it’s good to shock, although that’s usually done by Hollywood stars, you can do it too.
Stance: How do you stand? Or sit? how does anyone stand or sit? The way you compose yourself shows us how you think about yourself and how you consider your environment and others. When a nervous person stands, he is not straight, he is either like a flagpole, with his head moving around scanning all the time, like a meerkat. A sad person usually stoops, head down set inside a mire of misery. A happy person is as obvious, their smile and body move as if in a dance. Focused people walk with determination, whilst dreamers tend to wander around.
Facial Expressions; this is probably the hardest of all to learn. Faces give away more information than expected, however it takes a true professional to truly master the art of facial expressions. Since many of them are micro expressions and are extremely hard to notice.
For Example: Poker face is the most common expression of a person that controls their facial expressions, however a poker face is not an ideal way of managing others, it merely tries to stop someone from reading your emotions. If you truly want to control others actions you should use false facial expressions to convey false messages, thereby confusing the others.
This initial glance is very important and most police and secret service are trained in the art of discerning unusual combinations that would point out a person as being false or true. This leads us to the next stage; body language.
Body Language is a world known expression, but what does it really mean?
Body language is made up of body movement, how do you move when you walk, when you talk? Every movement you make tells us more about you and how you feel then you realize. By learning to perceive body movements you will understand how and what people are feeling. In some rare instances, you can even project what the person will next do based on their body movements.
A nervous person will have a twitch or look about constantly as if seeking out a source of aggression that is expected to come, a sad or weary person will have a stoop, an overactive or hyped person will be constantly moving.
Speech; when someone talks you can usually discern what their emotional state is, as well as how knowledgeable they are and how they view life. The tone amd the language, the context and how they deliver it, how their face moves and what body language occurs at the same time. Try to talk to everyone equally, from a pauper to a floor sweeper, from a shop assistant to a bank manager, from a student to principal and from an office clerk to a prime minister. Watch how they talk, notice the differences and remember them.
EQ is about balance, balance in speech is about two things, choosing your language to suit the situation and speaking in a way that is expected (or not, if you intend to confuse or surprise).
For instance, when talking to a blue-collar worker in a coal mine you should use different speech patterns and language content then when you speak to a Mathematician. Whilst both might drink and swear, or both might like poetry their environments are totally different and this is impacted in their language.
The first step in developing your emotional intelligence is understanding what it is. Once you grasp the basic understanding of emotions and body language you are on the first step of the journey.
A sub issue on EQ is how to bring up your children using EQ training. For instance, trying to explain why it’s important to accept loss at a game without throwing a tantrum, one example is to allow the child to win on occasion, building up a self-esteem strength and only occasionally winning, that way you slowly introduce the concept of competitive training. How to train to win. Remember, emotional security is built at home, so but building emotional strength through security is an important factor in child development. In any event, once the child reaches school they will be in a competitive environment. Its best to come prepared then to find out you are not the fastest, or cleverest or most artistic. By training your child you build leadership qualities and assure their success.
