She moved toward him slowly, urged him to stand and directed him without a word. He stood, like a zombie. He was so lost, she could see it, he was drifting away again. She reached out and touched his left arm, fumbling down for his hand and raising it. There were obvious marks from surgical fixation, signs of recent sutures yet to fully resolve but they would only be a small part of the collection he had amassed. His arm was a patchwork of damaged flesh. Some of the cuts must have been ever so deep. It was hard to fathom what pushed him to this. His eyes closed, fear filling him. Dr. Juice knew the marks would never really heal and it made her sad.
Her touch was like the softest breeze. The physiotherapist at the hospital was a brute by comparison. Those sessions had left him in agony. This felt different, he was being guided, not moved and he responded to her every wordless command. He caught a hint of her perfume on the air. It was subtle, wild flowers and something that seemed sweet but that he could not otherwise place. The heat from her fingers permeated him. He had felt the hands of medical practitioners on his body far too often in recent history. This was not the same, it felt like the touch of a friend and then it hurt. It was an alien feeling to him. He had never known that sort of tactile closeness to another. Even his own Mother had not hugged him for as long as his memory ran back. It triggered a thought of the day his father died, while his heart broke she turned only to Claire, his sister. This simplest of gestures, something so innocent made Jack see what he had missed. He could feel the tear bead in his eye but he would not let it fall, he could not let another see such weakness.
"There is a definitely some loss of muscle tone Jack, they did some work with you while the cast was on right?"
He nodded, grateful for the distraction, "just some gentle exercise, nothing too demanding,"
"Good, that's fine, we can work on building up okay?"
"Okay,"
Love Juice stepped back and appraised Jack's swollen right knee. He had jolted it in the accident, it was a minor problem given the fracture to his arm but as he had started to walk around his right knee puffed up and it became harder to move it. A needle aspiration relieved the worst but his knee was still thick and he lacked the movement he once had.
"Can you walk a few steps for me? I need to check your gait,"
Jack paced across the room and back. Dr. Juice actually beckoned to him as though he were a child taking its first tentative steps. It felt strange, welcoming even and he moved to her. She dropped into a crouch that was far from ladylike. She ran her hands up his right calf and felt the swollen tissue around the knee. Jack looked down and almost gasped. He could see an abundance of cleavage and had Dr. Juice moved just a little more her skirt would likely have ripped up the thigh.
"I am so not dressed for this," she muttered, "okay good, hop onto the table for me,"
Jack managed the slightly awkward movement, aware that her inadvertent display had started to arouse him for the first time in a long time. He managed to maintain his composure just enough that it might go unnoticed. Love Juice maintained her focus on the knee joint. Using her fingers she began to manipulate the knee cap, slowly but surely freeing up the movement. As the session progressed Juice took Jack through a serious of exercise techniques, teaching him some basic tasks he would need to follow in the time until their next appointment. She was thorough and diligent in her work, explaining the mechanics of his injuries and how his body had adapted to compensate. Throughout it all she was funny, charming. She talked about anything that came to mind and for once it felt easy to Jack. He had been away from work for a while thanks to the accident. He had missed even the basic interaction he knew in the office but this, again, felt very different. He remembered all the reasons why he had liked her when they were at school together. She was possessed of an effortless charm that drew others to her like a moth to a flame. It was the true secret to her popularity at school. Jack was never in her social circle, they had spoken on occasion but really no more than that. Even so she showed him kindness that others never had. Her qualities had only grown over the years.
The season of sessions began to draw to a close, Love Juice was strict about her instructions and checked he understood with a series of questions. She gave him time and privacy to change but this time stayed in the room and talked as he dressed.
"How are you feeling after that?" She asked.
"Better than I thought I would."
"Good. Do you have any plans for the rest of the day?"
"Nothing special, just heading home,"
"Are you back at work yet?"
"No, I have a few weeks at least,"
"You need to keep active Jack, build up your strength, I'll know if you don't."
"I will,"
"Is there anyone who can help you with things?"
"No, I live alone, I don't get out much."
"I suppose the accident made it harder,"
"It didn't make that much difference to be honest, I keep to myself. I don't like to be a bother."
"That sounds lonely,"
"You get used to it,"
"You don't have to answer this, but did something happen, before all this?"
He thought about how or if he should answer, the gap was growing agonisingly long but he decided he would say something, even if it hurt a little to do so.
"My doctor told you didn't he?"
"He did... it's okay Jack, I'm sorry I shouldn't ask,"
"It's fine, I tried to end it... I tried to end it because I've always been like this. Being alone, hoping against that, it eats away at you. After a while I guess there was nothing else to eat,"
"Is there anyone keeping an eye on you? Family?"
"No, they don't really know about this and I don't really want to tell them,"
"No one else?"
"No one else," Jack agreed.
He pulled the curtain back and saw the look on Dr. Juice's face. She looked pale, upset.
"I'm sorry," Jack said, "you didn't need to hear that."
"No, it's fine, I asked, I just feel bad for pushing."
"Don't worry, it's okay,"
Dr. Love Juice spun around in her chair and looked at him again. He seemed hollowed out and it felt like she had drained anything positive from him.
"I'm not in the place I was anymore," he said. "I'm used to it,"
"That doesn't make it better,"
"It's okay Miss Juice, things have been like this since I was a kid. I never did fit in exactly."
That sparked something in Dr. Juice, it remained out of reach but it felt familiar. Jack motioned to leave, grabbing his rucksack with his good arm and slinging it over his shoulder.
"Wait," said Juice.
She stood up and without thought she pulled him into a hug. It was not returned, not at first. In fact he strained against it for a moment, but she held him until he gave in. She felt his left hand at the small of her back for just a moment and felt as the weight of his troubles left him.
Jack had to let go and he willed himself to do it. It felt too good and he knew it was not for him. He felt the weight return as she relented and he pulled away ready to carry the burden once again. She looked at him, her eyes dancing with questions that she could not give voice to. She gazed back into the tempest, searching for the memory that that she was certain should be there. It would not trigger no matter how hard she tried. In those eyes lived a spark that seemed to flare just for her. It was there and she knew she had seen it before.
"I best go," he said.
Jack turned to leave and Dr. Love Juice once again felt that sense of the familiar. She had to challenge it, had to ask.
"Jack?" She called, "have we met before?"
"No," he lied.
Juice sagged back, sure there was something she had missed. As he reached the door she called out to him, "Same time next week Jack, I'll see you then,"
"Okay," he said and then left.
End of Chapter 1