Feeling annoyed with children is commonplace as long as parents are not exaggerated. But there are times when parents lose control so they do things that are inappropriate. Although it seems normal, this kind of attitude should be avoided.
No matter how busy a father or mother is, it is not appropriate to do things that will result in a bad attitude on their children. Especially in the early stages in which children are in character development, which will become an integral part of their personalities.
Although sometimes significant things can happen, such as screaming at children if they disturb their parents while being busy is considered a common thing, as a form of discipline in children. However, according to some scientists, doing so can actually have a negative effect on children. Children may feel alienated, unacknowledged, and so on.
Therefore, as busy as any parent, or how much stress they have, they should be able to control themselves and treat their children the way they should. What are the things to avoid? Here are some of them:
Do not Disturb!
This seems like a normal thing. A mother is busy cooking at her home. Or dad was busy reading the interesting news in the paper. Or maybe also continue the work brought from the office. Then he locked himself in his room. Suddenly the boy comes and asks him for a favor. In a tight situation, parents can yell at the child, "Do not bother me! I am busy! "
According to Suzette Haden Elgin PhD., A writer who is also a verbal martial trainer quoted from parenting.com, that if parents act like that, children may feel insignificant because if they ask something to their parents they will be told to go. If such attitudes apply to your children, until they grow up they will find it useless to talk to you. On the other hand, Suzette suggests that if you're really busy, try distracting your kids to do other activities before you help them. For example, if they ask for your help in doing their homework and you are really busy, ask them to do other activities first such as watching TV. And then,
Giving Negative Statements
Sometimes parents get angry with their children who do not do what they say. If children are asked to move forward in extracurricular activities involving their parents, but they refuse, then their parents say, "You are like a shy person!" On another occasion if parents ask their child to do something but he does not do it , they say, "You're so lazy!"
Such types of statements can hurt your children's feelings. They will be as their parents say. It would be very dangerous if statements such as "You are stupid!", "You are naughty!" Said to our children.
Instead, say positive things to your children. If your children receive bad grades, do not say, "You're so stupid!"; Say something else. For example, say, "If you learn better, you will get better grades than this because you are actually a smart kid."
Do not Cry
Over deal with children who quarrel with their friends or feel disappointed because a particular treatment should be done wisely. No need to scold or ask your children not to cry. Many children experience it, parents tell them, "Do not cry out!", "Do not be sad!", "Do not be afraid!"
According to Debbie Glasser, a child psychologist, saying these words will teach children that sadness is something unusual, that crying is not a good thing, while crying itself is an expression of the particular emotion that every human being has.
Therefore, to handle this problem, it would be better to have your children explain what makes them sad. If they feel unfairly treated by their friends, explain to them that the behavior of their friends is not good. By giving them an idea of how they feel, parents have given them empathy lessons. The crying children will soon stop or at least reduce their cries.
Compare Children
Having more than one child may result in comparing your child to one another. If the second child can not wear clothes as fast as his brother, do not say, "Look at your brother, he can do it quickly. Why can not you do it too? "
Comparisons will only make your child feel confused and become less confident. Children may even hate their parents because they always get ill treatment from that comparison (against siblings, siblings, or other children), whereas the development of each child is different.
Rather than comparing your children, parents should help to solve them. For example, when children have trouble wearing their clothes while their relatives can do it faster, parents should help them to do it right.
Delay
There are times when a father or mother is at home with their children but without a spouse (husband or wife). When children make mistakes, parents (either father or mother) do not tell their children about the mistakes they make immediately. For example, a child is told not to play with matches, but he does it anyway. The mother just says, "Wait till your dad comes home." This means waiting until his father will punish him later.
Delaying saying errors will only make things worse. It is possible that when a mother or father recounts the mistakes made by their children, the mother / father instead exaggerates so that children receive more punishment than they should. It is also possible for parents to forget their children's mistakes, so the mistakes that should be corrected are ignored. Therefore, it would be better not to delay in correcting your children's mistakes before they become completely forgotten, and do not rely on your partner.
Hurry up!
When a family goes to an event and a child is slow in doing things, like wearing a shirt or a shoe, parents often shout, "Hurry!"
This attitude does not educate your children to do things faster, especially if shouting is also accompanied by pointing fingers and a loud voice. This will make the child feel scared, guilty, and will not make them move faster.
Giving Praise with Ease
Apparently, giving praise easily is also not a good thing. Giving praise will easily seem "cheap". Therefore if a child does something simple, there is no need to compliment with "Extraordinary! Extraordinary! "Because the child will naturally know the things he does with mediocrity or extraordinary.
The above attitudes are often practiced in children by their parents. It looks simple but can produce bad characters if not avoided. Therefore, among societies whose conditions appear to be sad these days, improvements must start from the family, so let us treat our children well.