I am tired of hearing stories of
young girls being abandoned
by their men after they get
pregnant. I am even more tired
of hearing the "he said I
should get pregnant before
marriage " reason. I used to
blame these girls but I don't
anymore. Or rather, I think the
blame should be shared by the
society. I mean, how can I
blame a girl for "hustling" to
get married when the average
Nigerian believes it is a shame
to be unmarried. How can I
blame them when the Nigerian
society makes a woman believe
she is incomplete without a
man? They have turned
women desperate. Or how do
you explain a family
hammering on the importance
of getting married to their
daughters but forgetting to tell
her how important self-
actualization is? Or aunties,
uncles and in fact the whole
community asking when they
are coming to eat "your rice"
but not asking how the job
search is going or how
business/work is or how that
desire for further education
will be realized. How can you in
all good conscience blame
them when their achievements
are watered down with the
"but she never marry" talk and
the "eyah" response. So u see?
When these girls get desperate
and the men take advantage of
it, how can we turn around
and blame these girls? They are
the victims here. The victims of
society's negative scrutiny,
intimidation, marginalisation
and discrimination.
So you, yes, you. If the first
question you ask a woman
when you see her is, " when
are you getting married?" or
you shame that single sister
and believe she's not supposed
to be heard in public because
she is single, then you are the
reason.
You are the reason the
Kehinde's are dying in their
marriages for fear of being
shamed for being bold enough
to leave an abusive marriage.
You are the reason the Stella's
decide against their better
judgement to accept the
condition of one playboy who
isn't ready for marriage and
are now pregnant, miserable,
unwanted and rejected.
You are the reason Amina
decided to "manage" that man
because "her time is going".
You are the reason Adaku is
jumping from pillar to post
looking for a man to pin down.
Go ahead. Deny it. Shake your
head all you want. Yes, she
made a choice, but what
choice is there to make when
there really is no choice. You
helped make that choice. You
are part of the reason she is a
victim.
And you. Dear single, amazing,
beautiful woman. Stop being a
victim. It is totally okay to want
that second degree and even a
third without having a man. If
is okay to want to grow that
business first. Oh yes, and it is
okay to have a dream that
doesn't involve a man and to
pursue it. RAISE YOUR HEAD
HIGH AND LIVE. THERE IS
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG
WITH YOU. YOU ARE COMPLETE
AS YOU ARE.
And to parents and aspiring
parents, may you raise strong,
independent women.
I am not against marriage.
Don't get it twisted. When you
marry, let it be for you and not
for the approval of the society.
#IstandWithWomen
#IsupportSelfDe
terminationByTheGirlChild