my mind still gets jealous and stigmatizes other people even when i know it isn't true. i feel like i have so many different minds. they are really just different emotional states. some are more prevalent than others. i have no idea who i am or what i am doing. i am a human feeling low. isolated. that much is consistent. but i don't want it to be. but it is the only certainty i can base good decisions from. i hate people who base decisions on assumptions as if i was better. of course i want to be better and they want me to be but it is so cruel because it is not dealing with my reality i am experiencing. by the time they find that out it is too late and then i am discarded. fuck you. in advance this time. no i am a piece of shit. stay the fuck away. yes i am pushing you away. i am proud i am doing it. go fuck yourself.