Socrates said the unexamined life wasn't worth living. Doesn't mean it won't feel crappy, sometimes.
A 'dark night of the soul' is a general term for a sometimes extended period of bleakness where we have become caught between two worlds. The two worlds being (1) our old, ego-driven pursuits of 'more', and (2) a life being led by purpose, where we know what we are here to do and we are going to do it, god damn it.
Being hyper-aware of what the old us would do and not being able to do it anymore; but also not a fully paid up member of the consciousness club. This is a dank and lonesome place.
Whilst they aren't the happiest, dark nights are probably a necessary right of passage. They’re a sign we are making inroads to a higher state of internal wellness and a richer experience of this life.
When I started being aggressively self-aware, along with the extreme levels of clarity I feel, I have experienced these cyclical breakdowns where I feel extremely alone in the world.
When you are holding yourself to account over your own unconscious behaviour, being in a bad or low mood isn’t an option. But internally, you are suffering.
How does a dark night of the soul happen?
For me this is how it rolls:
I am doing just great, living with awareness and maintaining my new standards of being authentic and aligned. I see the principles of a higher power at work in my life. I experience synchronicity and I am attracting a higher quality of friendship into my life.
But then I lose my sense of my own making a difference in the world. That might happen because I haven't received a reminder of that for a while. That prompts me to question my decisions about the way I am spending my time, what it's all about, etc. etc.
We all need to feel that we matter.
When we don't immediately see this for what it is, we might start scratching around on the surface for reasons for our torpor and depression. For me, the hunt goes along the following lines: 'I am alone in the world, I don't have a partner, I don't have enough friends close by that know me well, I am selling my soul for money, my family think I'm nuts, I actually feel crazy, I do way too much yoga, the idea of dating makes me tired, I am putting my heart and soul into something that might land completely flat with the world'; yaddy yaddy yada.
When what has really happened is I have stopped focusing my intention.
The last time I felt worthless and purposeless, I wrote some thoughts that I hope will be useful to others experiencing a dark night:
• It is always good to attempt to track your triggers. I realized that prior to my latest bout of this, I had stopped meditating and I had been through a very busy period with my J.O.B., which is always a tricky mental health period for me. I has also just (again) uprooted myself from everything and everyone familiar to me, to spend some time working on my side-projects from a different city. When your sense of purpose comes from making a difference to other people (that's everyone; whether we acknowledge that or not), and it isn't immediately apparent that you are doing that, it's tough. After all, strangers and new friends are only going to be a certain amount of receptive to your freaky attempts to love them up.
• Once you can identify your triggers, this determines what action you need to take to feel good again. For me, as I am in a long growth stage with my side-project, I can't rely on external markers of my impact to know I am making one. That means I need to generate the feeling some-other how (being able to 'create something from nothing' is a great habit to be in anyway). Feeling good again meant literally leaving the house having my eyes and ears peeled for other people's need and suffering and sadness, and sending them smiles and goodwill. I was like a ‘who-needs-my-love?’ detective. Immediately, when you take the focus off yourself, the fog lifts. And there are always other people around; no need to wait for people that you know. We can use our encounters with others to remind ourselves that everything we do matters, and that just by showing up and smiling and making eye contact with people, or offering them an ear or a kind word, is huge.
• When I feel bleak and despairing and invisible, I know now to let myself feel my feelings rather than the old way of numbing. Practicing yoga has helped me a lot with self-compassion and sticking out uncomfortable feelings, rather than running from them into the comforting arms of Tinder and Netflix.
• Once momentum has built a little and I am present to my impact again, I take more small actions on my projects and towards my vision, to signal to the Universe that I’m back in the game and I mean business.
Re-emerging from my last dark night experience, I was actually invigorated by it. Humbled, even.
I immediately noticed all kinds of cool shit in my environment. A shop owner stepped outside and shouted 'Good morning world!'. I received a text from a friend I hadn't heard from in a while telling me I was special to them. I was flooded by inspiration during my yoga class.
It's good to have plan for how to manage ourselves when Existential Crises hit. For me, the essentials are inquiry (figure out the source), heaps of compassion, and taking the focus off myself as soon as possible.