"I want the ladies to make some room on their side and the men to slowly come over here and find a lady partner for the last exercise of today. Come on guys, find a strong woman to work with."
The ladies cheered as we moved out of the tent looking into the women's eyes.
I had been sitting in the back of the tent and tried my best not to rush nor to take too much time but when I found myself amongst the group of women mostly all of them already had a dude to work with for the last exercise. It was kinda funny but I just kept on walking through them knowing I would probably find THE RIGHT ONE to work with for this, and that there is no need to freak out here. Simon had already started to instruct us on what to do as I kept wandering in relaxation and pure faith.
I walked past a woman that seemed magnetic to me, she was filming the occasion and seemed to be part of Simon and Dara's team or at least of the festival crew capturing the event on film.
I recognized that this was exactly my call, jumping over my own shadow to ask a lady not normally part of the visitors to work with me.
I stood in front of her smiling as she filmed me, until she looked up into my eyes.
"Hey, would you be willing to put your camera down to be with me for a minute?"
She paused, smiled and turned her camera of. "I would love to", she said.
I felt like all my old mindfucks, insecurities and hangups were doing their best to re-emerge as we were getting into the workshop task Simon had been explaining for a while now. We were a little behind but we really didn't care. It was AWESOME how we took our time to get to know each other and to not rush anything.
The task was simple: To look at each other in silence and just be present with the other individual, no thoughts, no wishes, no desires, no fear just a sense of presence with her and looking deep into her eyes.
I felt weird. My ego was trying to tell me that I had to say something to endure the sweet pain of being with this woman consciously in deep eye contact from face to face at close distance.
The first minute must have been the toughest... I noticed how deep I could look into her eyes, how my facial muscles were hopelessly overwhelmed and clueless how to behave. I wanted to smile but felt way too alerted or tense to do so. So I didn't and instead breathed in and out slowly. She began to do the same, as we looked deeper into each other's eyes.
The moment I stopped wanting to smile and dropped it I relaxed. And curiously my relaxation made her smile genuinely and I felt a natural smile coming oin in my face that did not require any effort. My ego hopelessly kept trying to force me to talk, to say ANYTHING just to make the pressure of this intense energetic exchange go away but I had learnt in the past days that that is precisely the issue: Wanting to alleviate perceived tension was the wall I had built up, and ultimately what this whole seminar was probably about. Getting with the tension because it's pure and utter fun to bath in it with the other sex.
So I didn't say anything to her. I stopped forcing anything. I let ego thoughts arise that did their best to disturb the situation or to fall back into old habits. But none of that worked. I let all thoughts go. I had her there, and she was with me, and we both looked so deeply into each other's eyes for what felt like 7-10 minutes that I noticed after a certain point: I am free. My mind shut up. I lost myself in her eyes and I discovered that that place is precisely where my mind tried in vain to always get to, only on the wrong road. Presence is required, not rational thinking. I had been so barking up the wrong tree for most of my life, it was hilarious actually!
When that idea came up inside of me, she smiled even more, took my hand and put it on her heart. I felt her heart beating, breathed deeply and smiled as I thoroughly began to enjoy this energetic exchange. And to see that no words are needed here. At all. Just presence and the absence of expectations and concepts.
I slowly took her hand and put it on my bare chest where she could feel my heart. She smiled and moved a little closer. It seemed more important and real than most connections I had had with my girlfriends in the past. We weren't naked, I wasn't even horny or getting turned on, that all seemed totally beside the point and turned out to be a baseless fear when working ernestly with the other sex. This was about connection. About the new basis for communicating.
We went deeper and deeper and though the others had already stopped their exercise as Simon and Dara thanked us all for our presence and attention, me and the lovely lady from Spain just kept enjoying each other more and more.
When I felt it was coming from a genuine place I did choose to ask her a question. "Your eyes are beautiful, may I hug you like a man?"
She smiled and said "yes, I would love that!"
And we hugged for what felt like an eternity. Total trust, silence in the mind and no expectation for what this meant. As we slowly let go of each other we went back to full eye contact for another minute or so, until I nodded at her in appreciation and said "thank you for existing, it was a great idea coming to Earth!"
And she thanked me for my being here, apparently just as stunned as me at the level of connection we had managed to build here despite our not knowing each other.
Part in me wanted to make something out of it, I guess you would call it "asking her out". But then another part called me to sort through all these experiences, to allow the flow of life to continue as it will and to instead take this experience as the new template for how to approach women from here on out. A priceless lesson I could have never gotten without her.
We hugged again in all relaxation and recognized we had learnt something major here. Whatever it was.
I talked to Simon afterwards and thanked him for his awesome lectures and workshops, wrote down my contact data to get the follow-up mail and some more information on his healthy self-love practices he had mentioned on the side in the lecture the day prior.
I knew I would see him again somewhere eventually, and that I would take home more from this workshop than I had expected. I was already further than I thought I was, which made me happy to no end. A new threshold had been reached by simply being with this woman in communicative silence for what felt like an eternity. It brought me back to center and has changed my communication with both men and women to the better, something I recognized in myself instantly after the workshop was over and I was back among the other festival visitors.
This ends my series on the Sex Magic workshops at Psy-Fi festival 2018. I want to dive a bit into what tanspired the day after, so there will be an epilogue of sorts coming up to this series. Thank you for all your time and attention, as always: I would love to hear your thoughts.
If you want to check out Simon and Dara's work you can do so on their website www.daraandsimon.com
Read up on other parts of this series:
Pt 1 - Piercing Through The Mindfucks
Pt 2 - Eye Contact Tension Breakthroughs
Pt 3 - Communicating Preferences & Honoring Boundaries
Pt 4 - Obliterating Shame & Owning Your Body
Pt 5 - Vulnerability Among Men
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