Around this time last year, I was naively playing my drums for an openmic post when my Mom was crushed by a tree that fell during a flash tornado... while she was driving. It hit her directly in the face and chest.
Wrong place, wrong time, wrong everything...
Many people who've followed me for a while know the story about this nightmare, which happened just after my Dad died from brain cancer, but many don't.
To make things infinitely deeper, I have a picture capturing guardian angels at the accident scene: my Dad, Grandfather, Grandmother, and Uncle. Their faces are clear. Angels exist and they're watching...
Maybe my Dad's brain tumor battle had to end when it did so he could save her. I can literally see him in the afterlife whenever I want, but I never look at it. It's too hard.
Anyway, soon enough, it'll be the exact moment they swooped in, breaking her car seat backward to save her from being completely crushed.
Her injuries were severe, but she lived and can enjoy life normally today. There's no other explanation given the direct force and magnitude. No first responder or doctor could believe it.
Thank GOD there was a happy ending, as I was able to call my Mom yesterday to wish her Happy Mother's Day.
While I should've visited her, I'm still too shaken from the memories to do that. Last year, yesterday, we went to a museum and had dinner to spend time and celebrate, oblivious to what was around the corner. I was sort of afraid to see her this time.
This upcoming "anniversary" is even heavier, and I need to be alone. My brother will likely go see her. I'll give her a call to check in.
If you want to read a DEEP and emotional post about why today is so intense (and more on the guardian angels), you'll get the chills reading this:
I don't want to write about the entire experience again because it's too hard. Since barely anyone read the post above, it'd mean a lot if you could read it to understand just some of what I've been through. It doesn't get much more real.
I think the best way to handle this will be to get on my drums around the same time and play the same asian-drum improv jam I was playing last year when the accident happened. I deleted the old videos of that session because I couldn't stand to see myself rocking out with no clue that people were frantically trying to call me to let me know what happened and that she was in really bad shape. I was having fun while she was a fraction of an inch away from dying.
I'll likely go to the gym after to build myself instead of my baseball teammate racing me to the hospital an hour away under green skies, not sure if she'd be alive by the time I got there (all trains were shut down).
Instead of staying in the ICU all night with power outages preventing critical scans, I'll be outside walking on the curbs to find things to recycle and sell.
My birthday is coming up, so instead of being in the ICU with surgeons to discuss her paralysis risk at the exact time I was born, I'll be sleeping soundly in my bed or saying a prayer.
Instead of never being home to miss the signs of my pet's stomach cancer before learning I suddenly had to put him down, maybe I'll get a new one.
Instead of living in and out of the ICU and critical care centers in hospitals for months, I can take care of myself.
The same goes for her.
Knock on wood.
Now people can understand why I write a lot of jokes.
*Life is not always easy, but its challenges make us stronger. Sometimes you don't realize how strong you are until you're faced with the ultimate tests. However, much like with any resistance, it takes time to grow, and for the pain the subside so something better can take its place.
