A letter to my best friend, Gerti and for her mom, Tita Ave, who is now in a better place.
To my very dear friend, Gerti
I am here. We may literally be oceans apart but that won’t stop me from being there for you especially in times like these.
Bloody sparring session. Showing tough love.
It was awkward when we first met because at that time I didn’t know how to be genuinely me around people. I didn’t know how to be honest about my real emotions. I didn’t even know how to say Hi and Hello before. I kept myself hidden and had everything bottled up. I was an angry and moody person but you saw something good in me. You saw me! You opened that bottle, Gerts even though you knew toxic things are going to spill.
You opened that bottle to let me out. It was liberating - to be able to be seen and be appreciated and I could never tell you how grateful I am for having you as my best friend.
You keep telling me that I helped you but I want to tell you that you helped me more in ways I couldn’t even explain how. I feel like I would have been a different person if not for you. You’re one of the beautiful reasons I have become a better version of myself. And since we are both forgetful, I’m going to keep telling you how grateful I am for our friendship.
The day we became friends was one to remember. You went straight at me after Karate class and shocked me with your confrontation. I was literally at a loss for words. You were mad because I didn’t say "Hi" back to you when you greeted me at the corridors in school. I told you I gave you a nod and that that was pretty much how I greeted people. You pointed your finger at me and gave me a lecture. Really? Hahaha. I laugh at the memory but you were really scary at that time, and you know I don’t get scared easily. After that was history.
I’ve always admired your audacity and authenticity. You’re honesty doesn’t leave me second guessing. You say what’s on your mind and you let me say my piece. You accepted the best parts of me together with my flaws. But the best thing, you told me of those flaws not to judge me but so that I could be better and I appreciate your honesty.
We let each other be each other which is probably why we’ve been friends for a long time. It’s an unexpected kind of friendship but I would have missed half of my life had you not confronted me that day. We spent almost everyday together doing all kinds of crazy. Your mom keeps telling us that we can’t be torn apart. We were stuck like glue and I became an everyday face at your house. Oh, I miss you and your family!
I didn’t tell you this before but when you and your family left for the United States, I was kind of lost. I didn’t know if I could still be a better me even if you’re not around. When you told me you were migrating, I was genuinely happy for you but I did cry when I got home. The thought of losing my best friend was sad and scary. You were always there to call me out when I stepped out of line, you always had my back and you always believed in me.
The day you left, I didn’t want to see you at the airport. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I knew we were going to see each other after a few years but the thought of you being so far was just discouraging. I forgot who convinced me to go or how I was convinced to see you to your flight.
I tried to stop my tears on our last hug at that time but no amount of Karate was able to help me do that. I cried on your shoulder and I cried during the ride home. I cried at home and the days after that. I cried a lot because I felt like I lost my everyday person. The person who keeps pulling out the better part of me and pushing it to the limelight. But I was happy for you.
I got used to the long distance friendship because I know you will always be a part of me no matter how far apart we are.
We fight like family. The thought makes me laugh but everytime we fight, it scares me. It scares me to truly lose my best friend. I learned to be a better person because of you and for that, I will always be grateful.
With Tita Ave. Taken last year when she came home to the Philippines alone. We went to her house and she greeted us with her usual gesture, to give us food and made sure we were full
I am so proud of you and I know that your mom was as well. The last time your mom and I saw each other, when she came home alone last year, she showed us videos of you doing your project for school. She talked about you and the random crazy things you did that made her smile and laugh. She was grateful for your bubbliness and character and I know that she was very proud of you. I pray for her. She treated me like family. I miss you and your family and I include you guys in my prayers.
I feel for your loss. I know life has been challenging lately but you have come so far and you’re going far. You forget sometimes how amazing and strong you are but I haven’t, and I hope this letter reminds you of that.
There’s still so much more in life for you and you have so much more to offer.
If this was a paper I was writing on, it’d be wet with tears. Tears of pain and happiness. The pain of your mom’s passing and the celebration for the life she lived.
Gerts, have a day. Have this day. You can cry and smile for a well-lived life your mom had. Cry all the tears if you must and come tomorrow, have your day. A day to start your journey again along the road that’ll make tita Ave more proud of you.
Thank you for being your authentic you. Thank you for the friendship and thank you to your mom.
To Tita Ave,
It’s your day – a mother's day. You lived a good life. I haven’t thanked you enough for the kindness and care you showed me. You treated me like family and I will pay that forward. I’ll always be a dear friend to Gerti and your family.
With tears,
With a smile,
With love,
~Your dear friend, Angel