Some families tear apart because we let them. We take our loved ones for granted. We react to conflict with anger, rather than tolerance. Irrespective of how hateful or wicked your relative may be, there is a possibility that your behavior also contributes to the toxic dynamic. Difficult relationships are rarely a one-way thing More often, they operate in a cycle. Take a look at the relational patterns listed here. Do any of these occur in your family?
Here Are Five Common Behaviors That Destroy Family Relationships:
- Unforgivable Nature
Nobody is perfectly created. Most times we realize this when we speak with our friends, but demand perfection from our own family members – most especially our parents. The next time a family member effends you, choose to show them forgiveness. Move forward with your relationship together. Family connections can be deep and a long time affair. Don’t throw that bond away based on a single poor decision. Don’t let your pride deprive you of your family’s warmth. As Mahatma Gandhi once said,“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
- Refusal To Apologize
Forgiveness is easier to give in response to a genuine apology. If it occurs to ythat you have done something wrong, tell them so. Don’t fake it, and don’t force it. Show them the repentance in your heart. Make amends by baking them some cookies or mowing their lawn. Be honest about your faults, and show some humility. Don’t demand a reciprocal apology which to me shows no remorse.
- Intolerance
Intolerance has put so many homes apart. Most often, one family member loves another so much that they are compelled to force their beliefs on them. They feel that if only their relative chose to live their life a in specific way, they would be better off. This most often happens when a parent disapproves of their child’s decisions/choices. Your family member is in charge of their own life. Their choices should not influence yours. What is best for one person is rarely best for another. We are all different creatures and we need to live different lives. Condemn your child (or brother or cousin) for this, and you may risk losing them forever.
- Dishonesty
Dishonesty is most often as a result of a response to intolerance, criticism, or shame. It is a clear sign of an unhealthy family. Although white lies are one form of this, the decision to withhold information can be very hurtful. As Adrienne Rich wrote, “Lying is done with words, and also with silence.” When you are not honest worthy with your family, you do not give them the chance to love you unconditionally. You rob them of the opportunity to form a cordia relationship with you.
- Gossip And Exclusion
Gossip may seem like a quick and easy way to form a family bond However, its cuts can run very deep. Gossip is a sure way to alienate family members and create an unfriendly family environment. People who fear their family’s judgement become afraid to ask for help or share their feelings and thoughts. They become an outsider in their own home. Even more troubling is when several family members knowingly exclude another. They may go on vacation and leave a sister behind. They may even invite all but one cousin could be left behind. This sends a bad message to those left behind and it makes them feel insecured in their family.
A recent poll shows that nearly half of the respondents reported being estranged from an immediate family member. Are you among them? Is your family a soft place to fall? A battleground? Somewhere in between? Close? Look out for the habits above. Strive to create a family atmosphere that is open, inviting, and warm. You deserve it.
Regards!