People say so many things about the impact and effects on children who grow up without a father.
Mostly, negative things are mentioned. Negative results happen. Some are even disturbing stories.
But the very thing I always ask is, why then are there so many families that break up, knowing that there are so many disadvantages to children when these breakups happen?
Why do men and women join in marriage, only to decide later to leave the other?
Why is daddy out all the time, busy at work (that's counted to growing up without a father)?
Personally, it hursts growing up without a father; and if you're not in that situation, you can't and will never know how it feels to have a bottomless pit of emptiness.
There are so many articles, lessons, trainings, teachings about marriages and committment. The fact is, these good values should be taught and started inside the family, your home.
Now how much time do you spend on teaching good values to your children?
Are you more concerned about buying them things which you never had before.
Making them attend classes you never got to take.
So instead of being at home more, you'll work double time so you can afford these things, classes, places to go to.
Or perhaps you spoil them, thinking that, you never got to do the stuff you wanted to do before, so you let your children do whatever they want now; and you think its also a good idea they are so passionately doing something they want - which gives you "me time" for yourself too.
Or maybe YOUTUBE is even busier teaching your kids what to do, how to say this and that, what's the review on the latest truck toy?
Oh, wait, here's more. Baking together, cooking together, cleaning together, groceries together the list goes on and on and on...
But such a small amount of time goes to teaching the children about family, the bible, Jesus and how God instructed so many things for us to do so we don't get into trouble, how prayer is made to Him. What to fear, who to fear. How to keep His commandments.
So many don't even know how to pray!!
Ask someone at a party, please pray for us.
That person is reasoning out so many things just so that he/she doesn't pray.
What?!!!!!!
But, you ask that person to participate in a party. The response is "YES! No problem. Sure, we can bring this, that...", and the suggestion overflows.
Many don't even know what suffering is about. Everything is easy.
When he/she becomes an adult, when fear or sufferring or a test of faith comes in, he/she escapes from the situation or fights, showing ego, and anger and pain all together (I haven't even touched the topic of REVENGE), the other party is at a loss of words and also gets hurt.
Since he/she doesn't know how prayer truly works, later someone chooses to go.
All these happen, because from the very beginning when these adults were young, the were never taught about the rules of binding and loosing, very little teaching about the right way to accept criticism, challenges, how to face a problem...honestly, I was busy learning a song to sing. Yes! My love for singing!
Now, I do it, it's my work, but I still feel empty.
Ecclesiastes 12:8 (GW) "Absolutely pointless!" says the spokesman. "Everything is pointless!"
What about rejection, how to deal with it?
Do you honestly know how much time you've spent teaching your child about how to react when this happens?
Or maybe you're so busy & you don't know how to, and you reason out, "oh he's too young for this. let them be kids!"
There's also one experience I've had. The child was bullying me (that'll be another topic). Now I grow up, I see my student bullying another. I check the background of that child. Ha! The father isn't around that much.
Even if these teachings, training, lessons, seminars happen for adults. It's different when it's introduced at an earlier stage.
Such a mess...
I wished my dad was there to teach me and my mom to take care of my dad. I wished I'd see them take care of each other, and how they'd take care of me. Bond with me by understanding how God is the only one to fear. All that He instructed is the very thing to follow, for He is a jealous GOD.
But no...none of that.
I learned from Disney (thank you by the way, some really had a moral lesson). From other families. From situations as I grew up and bad decisions were made, it takes 4 years or more before you rise up from the situation.
I was searching for God alone. Reading about HIM alone.
Although I found HIM, I yearn for more.
So much time spent on other things.
What hurts is the one true FATHER was always there, but the one HE placed on earth, wasn't there.
So the line got cut off. I got lost.
But now, I am found. Jesus found me.
While I was lost, so many things happened....
Mom and Dad, make it a better place.
So the next generation of families can also do the same.