Today, my country, Venezuela, is the eye of the hurricane on this migration issue ... every day we see more people emigrating from our territory, leaving a deep pain to their families, but mainly to their own children, who can not undertake that initial trip.
But ... how far does such decisions really achieve family well-being? ... Has it been worth the distance of our loved ones?
In the Anzoátegui Psychoeducational Unit where I currently work, we serve the student population that presents interferences in learning, which causes a low school performance and / or repetition. However, a couple of years ago we observed with concern that these academic difficulties have increased considerably, as well as changes in behavior in school-age children.
After several studies of the cases referred to the service, we can affirm that a high percentage of the increase of students with low performance, inadequate behaviors and school desertion is due to the anxiety caused by the "temporary" separation of their parents in search of better living conditions.
No one, absolutely nobody will recommend that they leave their children, but everyone knows their reality and we can not judge them for having made that decision.
However, here I provide some strategies that a psychologist friend shares to reduce anxiety in their children and avoid having major problems once the parents are away from home:
. Explain in words that you can understand that you are leaving and why you are doing it; If you request a toy or snack that you can not pay, it is an opportunity to discover the reason for your trip. Make sure that you understand, do not evade their questions, is the possibility that he thinks that you abandon him or that it is a punishment.
. Involve the people who will stay with the child in their routine in advance. Your meals, bath time, your disciplinary method ... if you stay with one of your parents, this will eventually need support from someone else. It is necessary that the people with whom you stay are willing to accompany him with empathy, in difficult moments, in tears, in anger, in fear.
. Make a special calendar together, make a sign of the time that will be absent, and then only, add hidden messages: a month has passed, it is very strong./ Go ___ days, I also miss them. / I left something behind the TV (you can draw your child on the plane or a drawing of all together). Something impregnated with your perfume.
. Teach him how to handle the communication platform with you. Defines the schedule of calls or connection.
. Write with him a story of what they are going through, the reasons, the tests they will overcome, what they will feel, what they can do about it and their meeting. It can have images.
. Leave something special: your pillow, a toy of yours, buy two equal bracelets and take one; something the child can hug or touch and remember your commitment to return.
. Write notes, wrap sweets, leave small gifts stored to reinforce good behaviors and serve to help calm down during difficult times.
. The person who stays with the child should not leave out the father who is far away in the decisions they must make; Tell the child: "I will check with your dad / mom."
. If you already emigrated, avoid blackmailing your child with your return, with your presence, or with your previously acquired commitments in exchange for good behavior.
. When you are far away, involve him in your reality, talk to him about the people he will meet, from the nearby parks, at nostalgic moments they can make plans, decide how they will decorate their room and what they will do when they are together again. Eye ... no fantasies.
Friend reader, remember:
The time that goes away does not return ... the growth stages of your child are lived only once and if you did not share them because you are far away, you will never recover it. So think very well before making that decision. No matter how much you explain to your little one that you do it for their own good, for their future, for him the most important thing is your company, the quality time by your side, the rest is irrelevant ... but, if there is no other option Well, good trip and I hope you can resume your family life soon.
