Until an addiction affected a family member that I love very much I always thought that addiction was something you chose to live. A lifestyle that you were happy to live because it made you feel good. Watching my family member make the mistakes he has made, the circumstances he had to live, and the family he hurt made me realize its not a choice. Living with an addiction is a medical problem which requires specific and expert treatment. It is not an easy thing to do living with someone who is sick all you can do is set your boundaries without manipulating. What exactly does that mean is you need to tell them what you will or will not tolerate and set some actions around them. In my case I cannot and will not have him come home drunk. So I told him if you choose to drink then you will have to find another place to sleep it off. I can't tell him not to drink because he has the ultimate end choice.
I cannot make him get healthy all we can do is tell him what he can expect if he chooses to continue down that path. Don't kid yourself he is very aware of what he will lose. He's been there before. But the sickness controls him and makes him not think about what he is doing. Its the moment of satisfaction that overcomes him the moment of feeling in control of his actions the moment of happiness that he feels. But it is not he who is talking it is the addiction that is screaming his name begging him to do it. For someone who does not live with an addiction we don't understand why he can't just say no. I am the worst one for believing that.
I grew up in an alcoholic home and have lived first hand the pain that it causes. I would come home after school with a note on the table saying you need to make your own dinner because we have gone to the bar for a few drinks. Those few drinks would become wee hours of the morning. After those drinks they would come home either with people so they could continue the party or pissed off at one another. If it was the later then the fighting would start often turning physical. I would lay in bed and wonder to myself why don't they just stop drinking. They would always be sorry the next day and would vow to change their lives. That never happened the addiction always won. Living that life made me mad at the people addicted not the addiction. I took steps to make sure that my own little family would never have to live the life I did. Little did I know that my own blood would become addicted and start the cycle again. It came to head last Christmas he lost everything but through the forgiveness he eventually earned it back. He went through AA got himself a sponsor did all the right things. In my mind it was over I figured he was healed until his boss introduced it back into his life I don't blame his boss nor do I blame him I blame the sickness. For me to say that is huge. I need to support him as he puts his life back in order once again and starts the battle of being stronger that the bottle.
I shared this today because it was what was on my heart. As I walk through life getting older all the time I have realized I need to be more open minded less judgemental. If this post has helped anyone in any way please comment you are not alone. God Bless.
