Becoming a mother is suppose to be one of the most exciting moments in life but I get closer to my due date I can’t help but to think of my own mother.
This is something that has been weighing on my mind lately. The older I get, my life continues to change, the more clear/upsetting it becomes that I am never again going to see my mother again. My life has been completely changed. I am always going to be missing a piece of me. The most important person in my life is gone and is NEVER coming back and will never share these lifetime events with me.
As much as I always knew that, lately, I am reflecting on it more and more. There are so many things that are never going to be the same. There are still so many things that she is going to miss. There is so much of this "normal" family life I always thought I would have, that I will never get to have again.
My life would be so much better if my mom was still alive.
Nobody around me will ever understand what this feels like unless they have lived through this pain themselves. There is no way I could even try to find the words to describe to someone what it feels like to lose the most important person in your life, way sooner than you should ever have to and have to continue to carry on and adjust as if a major piece of you isn't missing.
Losing my mom changed my life. It flipped my life upside down and disrupted all normalcy that I once had. I have had to make adjustments that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I had to adjust to "new normals" that quite honestly I never would wish on anyone.
Losing your mom SUCKS. There is no other way to put it. No matter how much time goes by, the pain never seems to completely go away. No matter how much time goes on, the amount that I miss her only increases, especially as I get older and think of a family.
It's a pain that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It has a pain that has started to define me. It is a pain that is now, unfortunately, a huge part of my story that I will live with FOREVER.
As for me though, as much as I hurt inside; I was blessed with an amazing set of grandparents who stepped up to the plate and decided to help raise me and for that, I am forever greatful.
Always hold your love ones close, you never know if that could be the last time seeing them..