As a single parent,our greatest fear is when our child would ask about the missing parent. Either you became a single parent because of divorce, separation, death, by choice or by accident.
I hear a lot of mothers swearing that they will never let the father of their child near them. Maybe because it was a difficult separation. If you got a child and became a single parent there are different ways. You got pregnant via fertilization by a donor sperm, or planned on getting pregnant just to have a child that is your choice. If by accident means an unplanned pregnancy, well that is actually is not your fault but can not be changed, just accept it.
For a single mom especially if the father has not been around during the birth, it is hard when the child will start to ask about the father. In my opinion, every child has the right to know who their biological parents are. You just need to explain to them the reason why that parent is not around anymore. Never let the child feel that it is their fault, It is never or was their fault. Give them the honest reason. But always make them feel loved.
I am a single mom with one daughter. Hmm now that I am a grandmother, will I be called a single grandmother??? (Just for laugh)
When she was young, she did not look for a father figure, my 2 brothers left at home and my male cousins seemed to be more than enough. Also when my other brother came home she seemed happy and contented.
When she started going to school I was kind of nervous. I had already talked with the school heads and teachers. It was a small school then, just starting. So they all new her background. I just waited to see if she would start asking. Nursery nothing yet but in Kinder and Prep she was more aware. I told her she had a Dad in the US but I did not lie about him. She seemed to understand and did not ask. I found out that to her it was normal because I learned that she had a few other classmates with single parents. They were only 20 in the class.
When she got older and could understand better. I told her the whole story. She did not get mad or anything. She even said it was ok because she was happier with me and her grandmother. She was never lacking in love and attention from her uncles and my other cousins. She may not have had all the material wants, but she had the material needs and out attention and love.
High school was about the same. I guess she understood and did not ask anymore. She was contented in what she knew. I even showed her a picture of her dad. I gave it to her when she was older.
That is why it is better the child knows. Start young when they can understand a little. Start with the basic like they had the other parent but they are not around. You can slowly build up to the reason as to why. It is better they hear from you than from other people and it might not be the right reason. Or could even be lies. Be the first to tell them. They will appreciate it more. Try to have a good relationship with your child/children so they will be open to you. They will also understand if there are financial problems too. Even if it is hard for you, think of your child's right to know. In the end if they find out in a not so good way, they might even rebel and become a difficult child.
Then cam the year of internet, video calls, emails, chats and Skype. My daughter had her first cell phone in 3rd year high school but not internet then.
It was in college when she had her first laptop (my old one). We had a desk top before but she did not use it much unless for research. She also started her Yahoo account, Friendster, Multiply and Myspace. But was not really active. Then Facebook came. I gave her the privacy she was old enough but she had to accept me a s friend hahaha.
It was around the time she was in her early 20's (21-22) she searched Fb for her dad. I guess she found him. But she informed me and even should me the account to ask if it was him. I said yes and she asked if she could contact him. I allowed her to because during that time we were already planning along with her uncle on her moving to the US.
So she tried and I am happy that things went smoothly. Actually older brother contacted her (from her Dad). I was so happy they all accepted her.
She when she finally wen to the US after a few months, she went to Chicago to meet him and his family. They were able to talk and share. Now that they are friends On FB along with here other sibling (from the dad) 2 brothers and sister, they communicate often. They were also able to see the new member of the family, the grandson/nephew.
So in the end my telling my daughter everything early and coming straight from me had good results. Just always keep in mind that for whatever reason that you separated or divorced, or that why the other parent is not around, it is not the child's fault. They are the innocent parties. Always let them know that so that they will grow up well adjusted and have balance in their lives. I am proof of it. My daughter was accepted by my family, relatives and friends. She knew everything at the right age and when she was ready to meet her dad , she did. So I know she will not blame me, in the end and that she is complete. Now she also has her own complete family.
And to answer the Title of my Post, the answer is a big YES! But this is based on my experience and my opinion only.
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