Sometimes you doubt your decision, but later you feel good about it and I have experienced exactly that. I got married in the year 2006. I was just 19 year old then and wanted to achieve something in life. My husband supported my decision and the only way he thought he could help me was to not have any kids. We planned to postpone the arrival of our baby till the time I completed my graduation. Our decision didn't go down well with my mother in law, who would torture me mentally in my husband's absence saying I was the reason behind her son not having a baby.
Her torture was too much for me to handle and I forced my husband to change our decision and have a baby soon. I conceived and soon lost it too. That left me in a shock and I slipped in to depression. I got pregnant soon again, but the intense morning sickness, house hold chores and studies left me with just skin and bones.
My husband had seen me suffer and he decided that it would be our first and last kid. I agreed without knowing that within years I would crave for a doll. My son was 3.5 years old when he came home crying from his kindergarten saying he wanted a sister like Rehan had. I felt the need too and then began a war against my husband. We fought on almost every weekend. It took me 3.5 years more to convince my husband and he finally agreed.
I was happy that I was pregnant but always felt that it was too late to happen. Anyhow, my son was born all healthy and playful. My cousin also delivered a baby girl around the same time that I delivered my second son. And very soon within a year she got pregnant again. I envied her. Everyone in the family came to me and said that I should have done what my cousin did and if I had my both sons would have been grown up boys now. I felt bad , but there was nothing I could do. Damage was already done. Time once lost cannot be got back.
It had been around a month and those who told me to learn from her have been telling me that what a big fool she was. She is handling two toddlers who constantly want her attention. She is sleep deprived and is not able to attend to any of them. She gets irritated soon and is mad at kids often. I feel sorry for her, but feel good for myself that I at least have a grown up son who understands that his brother requires my attention. I still feel the Gap is too much, but then having too less is also an issue.