A manual that I have in possession and personally find helpful is entitled ‘The Parenting Children Course’, created by Nicky and Sila Lee. This manual is designed to help parents and carers parenting 0 to 10-year-olds, as well as parents-to-be. In this manual, one of the topics discussed is ways to communicate love and specific reference is made to ‘The 5 Love Languages’ by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Dr. Gary Chapman (dubbed as the man to turn to for help on improving or healing relationships) is a pastor and marriage counsellor. He is also the acclaimed author of the 5 Love Languages series, with special editions reaching out specifically to parents of teens and young children.

Here, I would like to share with you ‘The 5 Love Languages of Children’ which is very handy for parenting young children.

Why do we need to show the 5 love languages to our children?

Every child yearns to be loved. Knowing that they are being loved, it helps them to be confident. Having self-confidence is important as it enables our children to be different when they need to be and build close relationships.

Have you ever wondered, what makes your children throw a tantrum? How will you handle it when you are faced with full-on tantrum? When you are at your wit’s end, it does not mean that you are a bad parent, you just need some tips to tackle this.

Our children have something called ‘emotional tanks’, which need to be kept full and their behaviour acts as the indicator, showing the level in these tanks. This is where the 5 love languages come about.

5 ways of expressing love

Here, I am going to share with you the 5 ways that you can show your love to your children. Do note, however that it depends on the needs of your children’s ‘emotional tanks’. Your kids may not need all the 5, but they may need a combination of the 5. Once you are able to catch their emotional needs, you will easily know which one of the 5 ways to apply on them.

Let’s take a look at these 5 love languages:

Affirming words

What parents say to their children can leave a huge impact on how they think about and view themselves for the rest of their lives. Parents, who always provide words of affirmation, are able to boost their children, which will then affect their behaviour and achievement. Having said this, parents should not give praise without careful judgement. Always practice commending for success more than criticising for failure and correcting mistakes without condemning the child.

Affectionate touch

This is a primary way of conveying our love towards our children. Some parents, however, may not be expressive naturally. To overcome this, we can all learn by creating daily routines that involve physical affection. For example, we can give a hug or kiss to our children before they go off to school or a good night kiss before bedtime. Physical contact is vital to children in order for them to feel and know that they are being loved.

Time

This means spending one-to-one time with our children. Our children crave for attention and they desire to be noticed by us. By spending quality time with them, we create a channel of communication to connect with them. Every special moment spent with our children helps in developing their self-esteem and abilities to relate to others. Due to our busy work schedule, it can be quite challenging for us to fulfill this need. The more children you have, the more planning and conscious effort it takes.

Meaningful presents

Thoughtful presents can have a high emotional value and need not be expensive. In spite of this, they should not be used as substitutes for words, time or touch. As parents, we should not give presents impulsively as we want to instil a sense of appreciation in our children. On the other hand, when your children express love through gifting you a present, your recognition will further motivate them as this will teach them the value of waiting for something (i.e. delayed gratification).

Courteous actions

We should always demonstrate kind and helpful actions towards our children (eventhough they may very well take them for granted). Therefore, it is more important that we teach them to show and express their love and gratitude for what we and others do for them.

Conclusion:

As we bring up and learn to understand our children better, we will notice that certain expressions of love languages are more important to them than the other. This, however, does not mean that their love languages will remain unchanged. As our children grow older, we need to pay closer attention to identify and recognise their primary and secondary ways of feeling loved. So, wait no more and start practising the 5 love languages with your children today!