Hi Steemit,
Family relationships are difficult. We are told by the media, our peers, and our own families how important that bond is. Frequently, this bond is used as a means to control us, to block our escape from situations that are not good for us. This past Christmas, I made the decision to remove one of my parents from my life, at least temporarily. I felt a lot of shame and guilt leading up to this decision, and frequently had nightmares about it.
I have spent a lot of time on r/RaisedByNarcissists, and that made my decision more difficult, oddly enough. I saw all of the situations other people went through, and thought to myself, 'This isn't that bad at least. He only shook me as a kid. I was never beaten. He supported me financially before I became an adult.' It was so difficult for me to decide whether or not I could I could betray the sentiment that family is the most important thing we have.
The thing that spurred my decision seems almost ridiculous in hindsight. I missed a phone call, which lead to a nasty voicemail, several mean text messages, and then radio silence for a month. This silence was broken by further manipulative messages on Christmas Day. I prepared for the worst. I purged my social media of any sympathetic parties. I warned my other parent of the decision, as I knew that he would most likely call her screaming after he realized that I had blocked both his cell and home phone number. So far, the only activity I have seen was his wife's account looking at my LinkedIn profile. I am still waiting for the emails to start.
Only a few weeks out from this mess, however, I feel like I can breathe again. I don't have anyone looking over my shoulder and criticizing me for my life choices. I learned that nothing was ever going to satisfy the expectations that parent had placed on me. As soon as I achieved something, the goalposts would be moved, or it would be twisted and contorted somehow into a perceived wrong. I don't feel like I have to tiptoe around. The nightmares have stopped.
To anyone that is still struggling with what family means to them, I would like to share a message my sister sent me: If a relationship causes you more negatives than positives, it's not worth having. No matter who it's with.
Love Always,
T