Hello Steemians,
Today, it's been two years since I lost my mother to alcohol.
My mother and I have / had a long story behind us, with failure, pain and poor treatment. But we also have a story of joy, laugh, enjoyment and good moments. Many confused feelings and how I have hated her many times, for the choices she has taken and the failures she has given me.
After losing the fight, I really felt the great love I have for her. I miss her more than anything else, and where would I wish she was still sober or not? I remembered her with all the good things and all the good times we had. I actually blame myself in displacing the bad things.
I actually thought that I had found a very good box inside my heart where I had put her down and where I could remember her without breaking down. But the last few days have been incredibly difficult. I think of her all the time, I cry as soon as I'm alone, and I can not delete my head and tail at all.
Something went up for me today. I'm so lucky to have an amazing girlfriend just as good for me. And today, where I was with some of the students from the new study, I mentioned for the first time my girlfriend's name to them. One of the students likes to notice that it is the first time she hears her name. In the past, I have just used the term "my girlfriend". My answer to her takes a little mercy on myself - I replied: "Yes, I know, but that's because my girlfriend has the same name as my mother. And it hurts to say ". I actually did not realize myself - before today. I usually call her 'baby' or call her by surname when we're out.
... And yes, it just shows that I have still not put him in this box I would like to get her in. I do not really know what I want with this post but I just needed to like put it down and tell it to someone.