Abandoned ... did Child Welfare fail? My husband's story ...

Brian was the fourth of five children, and his mother was only 20 when he was born! This alone is mind-boggling, four children at age 20, and another one still to come! Details of his first year are sketchy, but he was left in a home for a few months from age 3 months, then reclaimed by his young, totally unstable parents.

Reading the file from the Johannesburg Child Welfare Society is like a horror story.
When he was just 2 years old, in fact one week after his 2nd birthday : 'The father has disappeared whilst out on bail with 3 charges pending against him. The mother has also disappeared with the father and she took one child (the eldest, a girl) with her. The abovementioned children (Brian and his 2 older brothers) were at the Lady Buxton Home but they are unable to keep them any longer. St Michael's Home is prepared to take (the two older brothers) on retention orders pending a court enquiry. As Brian is too young for St. Michael's Home arrangements have been made for his detention with a Mrs Smith (I have changed the name) on retention orders pending an enquiry.'

The assessment
Father's whereabouts unknown, he has a long criminal record, and several warrants out for his arrest. Mother's circumstances unsuitable for the children's return to her care, she is unemployed and has a small baby, and no sense of responsibility towards her children.

So when he was 2 and a half years of age - his brothers were placed in a different Children's Home, and Brian was committed to the care of another couple.
Just before his 3rd birthday the Child Welfare ordered that all three brothers be returned to the custody of the mother under the supervision of the Child Welfare Society. Less than a year later she abandoned all five children with their grandfather and disappeared. Grandfather had 6 of his own children so was unable to support them.

When Brian was 4, he was placed in Johannesburg Children's Home with his sister and one brother, while the older brother was sent to a Boys' Home and the baby was left in the care of his mother. Mother was supposed to make a home for her children, she was trying to divorce the father and marry someone else with whom she was already cohabiting. However, she never kept in contact with her little children … the father never visited them, and mother only once that first year.

When Brian was 7, his future foster family applied to take him for a month's holiday over the Christmas period. From then on he spent most holidays with them, and they wanted to adopt him. His mother refused to sign consent although she had no interest in him or his brothers.

Excerpts from a report when he was 9 years old : 'Brian is a disturbed child … his contact with reality is poor … does not relate to adult figures … gets on well with other boys and is good at soccer … coping well at school … disobedient … stubborn … still uninterested in his mother and prefers to remain at the Children's Home … very close to his foster family.'

At age 11 he was transferred to the Boys' Home where his two older brothers were, and although he excelled at sport and photography (winning equipment and trophies which the Boys' Home kept), it was the beginning of a downward spiral of drug addiction and rebellion. His father suddenly appeared after more than 8 years, kidnapped him and his one brother, then abandoned him in a strange city in the care of a prostitute who took care of him. He was eventually returned to the Boys' Home.

He lost contact with his siblings for more than 10 years. His youngest brother who had always lived with their mother eventually committed suicide in his early 20s. When Brian and I met and eventually married, there were no in-laws on his side … we had no idea where any of his family were. A chance meeting between our friends and a half-brother Brian didn't even know existed from his father's other relationship, reunited Brian with his two older brothers and his father.

The old man was constantly disappearing and reappearing, living on and off the streets, and eventually died while on a bus trip to visit his boys.

They eventually traced their mother, and she is now in constant contact with them although she doesn't show much interest in their lives, or in her grandchildren. They had a brief reunion with their sister, but she prefers to keep her distance.

Brian survived his tumultuous childhood, conquered his drug addiction, established a relationship with the Creator, has a thirst for knowledge and enlightenment. For 25 years he has run his own graphic design/advertising business, although it is a constant financial battle in our struggling economy.

Did the system fail this family? Could more have been done to help the children remain with their mother, unstable as she was? Hard to tell … what do you think?

All images courtesy of Pixabay